Well, I’m wondering why I’m still up. I should be sleeping by now. My eye bags are getting darker and bigger. But maybe the sleep fairy forgot to visit me.
Something inside me hurts right now. I feel so heavy inside. And I caught myself rehearsing what I could have said that day. Alam kong hindi ko na maibabalik yung araw na yun or even those that I have let pass me by. But here I am imagining what could have happened if I said “ Kailangan mo ba ng kausap o gusto mong mag-isa?” Silly me. My tears are preparing to fall again but I hold them back. I hold them back like I usually do. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagdadrama ngayong gabi. Maybe because every song that radio station plays reminds me of you. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko maamin sa sarili kong minahal kita kaya siguro hindi ko rin malaman kung hanggang ngayon mahal pa rin kita. It’s just that when you’re out of my sight I regret the things I didn’t do to get closer to you but whenever you’re near my mind says “eeew.” Ang yabang-yabang ko pero heto naman ako hindi makatulog. I don’t know if you are the reason why there’s no one new in my life or the other way around na dahil walang bago sa buhay ko, I stick with you. I don’t know if I love you or I love the thought of loving you. I want to say that I’m really sorry but I don’t want to elaborate why I am sorry. Nagdadrama ako ngayon but I’m sure I will do everything para hindi niya mabasa ito. Am I really in love or is my brain just searching for things to occupy my mind habang sembreak? I can’t find anything to justify that I love him but also, I can’t find things to disprove it. Hindi ko lang siguro talaga matanggap sa sarili ko kung ano yung mga nararamdaman ko. But why? I’m so stupid. Maybe I’m still so immature.
Nakakalimutan ko ang mga bagay na ito when I’m at school but when I’m all alone, these things fill me. Regrets flow in again. I don’t even know where those regrets came from. I don’t know if they are caused by something real or they are just products of nerve actions in my brain. I don’t know if my heart really hurts or my cholesterol level just got higher. I don’t know. Wish I could open up my chest and just read what’s inside or I hope my body can explain to me what’s happening to her parts. I don’t know why I’m like this.
I don’t know. I really don’t. I guess my feelings aren’t as easy to read as a book na kahit ako hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili ko. It’s like I’m staring at a blank paper. I can’t see anything but I know it’s full of things I have to realize. It’s like a population with very heterogeneous characteristics that you cannot draw a valid sample to represent it. You have study every element but that’s crazy. I’m crazy. I hope it’s just another data set so I can compute for the correlation but again it’s crazy. I’m crazy.
Please don’t think too much about this. REMEMBER: I’m crazy. Mukha na akong tanga kaya matutulog na ako.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Why Study??
I’ve heard a lot of people, especially students, ask: why do I have to study calculus? Why do I have to prove that this identity is equal to this? When I go shopping, the clerk will not express my bill in terms of limits. And when I ride on an airplane it’s not necessary for me to compute the angle of depression or elevation nor do I need to compute the velocity of the plane. Eventually, we will forget about these things. So why study them when they will not help us in the future?
Justifiably, we can reason that these are not applicable to actual life. But believe me, it is.
Look at it this way, a baby will not need a diaper when he grows up but at the moment it is essential for him to have one. This is parallel to the necessity of studying calculus, genetics and the other “difficult subjects.” We may not be able to use these in the future but it is still necessary that we study them because they are prerequisites of the bachelor’s degree we want to earn. And a bachelor’s degree is important to find a job. And to find a job is important to sustain our life necessities and ad infinitum. Therefore, studying them is crucial to us.
I also hear people cursing the scientists for discovering, let’s say, the elements because if it wouldn’t be for them, we wouldn’t be memorizing voluminous atomic numbers, atomic weights and electronic configurations. Well, instead of cursing them, we should thank them and consider ourselves lucky because these scientists spent all their lives trying to know these properties, unlike us. We do not have to spend our whole lives just to know that hydrogen is the lightest element or to figure out that energy is equal to mass times the square of the speed of light. Before they have to travel around the world just to study different histories and culture unlike us because we can see the world with just one click. We can learn about China’s history through a book neatly compiled for us.
We must understand that the people we are cursing researched for the benefit of the human race, to make our life more comfortable and convenient. All they did benefits us now.
So, do you want the teenagers in of the 21st century to read in history books that the students in the year 2007 did nothing but curse the great scientists? I’m sure you don’t so grab your book, start studying seriously. In reality, the speed of your learning and understanding process is not dependent of the subject, it is dependent on how you try to understand and how eager you are to understand.
Justifiably, we can reason that these are not applicable to actual life. But believe me, it is.
Look at it this way, a baby will not need a diaper when he grows up but at the moment it is essential for him to have one. This is parallel to the necessity of studying calculus, genetics and the other “difficult subjects.” We may not be able to use these in the future but it is still necessary that we study them because they are prerequisites of the bachelor’s degree we want to earn. And a bachelor’s degree is important to find a job. And to find a job is important to sustain our life necessities and ad infinitum. Therefore, studying them is crucial to us.
I also hear people cursing the scientists for discovering, let’s say, the elements because if it wouldn’t be for them, we wouldn’t be memorizing voluminous atomic numbers, atomic weights and electronic configurations. Well, instead of cursing them, we should thank them and consider ourselves lucky because these scientists spent all their lives trying to know these properties, unlike us. We do not have to spend our whole lives just to know that hydrogen is the lightest element or to figure out that energy is equal to mass times the square of the speed of light. Before they have to travel around the world just to study different histories and culture unlike us because we can see the world with just one click. We can learn about China’s history through a book neatly compiled for us.
We must understand that the people we are cursing researched for the benefit of the human race, to make our life more comfortable and convenient. All they did benefits us now.
So, do you want the teenagers in of the 21st century to read in history books that the students in the year 2007 did nothing but curse the great scientists? I’m sure you don’t so grab your book, start studying seriously. In reality, the speed of your learning and understanding process is not dependent of the subject, it is dependent on how you try to understand and how eager you are to understand.
OH MY GOD!!
The other day, somebody told me that have to practice this and that to be saved, to enter the kingdom of God. I’m not an atheist but I believe that nobody has the right to tell me that I’m not going to be saved except God. I also believe that every individual has their own religion, that is, that everyone has their own way of worshipping God. I‘m a Catholic and I do not have the right to say that Muslims will not be saved just because they do not practice the things that I do. They have their own way of worshipping God and I must respect that. Different religions may call God with different names but these names, I believe, are referring to just one God.
Another thing is the Bible. I am a Catholic and I know its importance but right now, many people are arguing about the interpretation of the Bible. Different scholars interpret it differently so they are in dispute of what is the correct interpretation. In my own point of view, we must not argue about it because two people can look at the same thing and see differently. In other words, every individual has his or her own interpretation of the Bible and for me, the way you interpret the Bible is God’s message to you. It is what God wants you to do. I have faith that God set a unique mission for every person and because of His unconditional love, He is giving us all the chances. We may fail once or twice but as long as we learn from that failure, I know, He’s going to give us another try. God’s love is unconditional, eternal, it is not selective, it is not biased and it is available for everybody whose hearts are open to let it in.
Another thing is the Bible. I am a Catholic and I know its importance but right now, many people are arguing about the interpretation of the Bible. Different scholars interpret it differently so they are in dispute of what is the correct interpretation. In my own point of view, we must not argue about it because two people can look at the same thing and see differently. In other words, every individual has his or her own interpretation of the Bible and for me, the way you interpret the Bible is God’s message to you. It is what God wants you to do. I have faith that God set a unique mission for every person and because of His unconditional love, He is giving us all the chances. We may fail once or twice but as long as we learn from that failure, I know, He’s going to give us another try. God’s love is unconditional, eternal, it is not selective, it is not biased and it is available for everybody whose hearts are open to let it in.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Effortlessly
I hate the way you smile so sweetly
I hate the way you kneel down to pray fervently
I hate to know that you can sing
I hate to realize that you can do almost everything
I hate dreaming you could walk me home
I hate hoping you’d text my phone
I hate seeing you close your eyes and still looking so admirable
I hate realizing how good you are and responsible
I hate seeing you everyday
I hate admiring you uncontrollably
I hate smiling when you come across my way
But most of all, I hate the way you make me fall for you……effortlessly.
I hate the way you kneel down to pray fervently
I hate to know that you can sing
I hate to realize that you can do almost everything
I hate dreaming you could walk me home
I hate hoping you’d text my phone
I hate seeing you close your eyes and still looking so admirable
I hate realizing how good you are and responsible
I hate seeing you everyday
I hate admiring you uncontrollably
I hate smiling when you come across my way
But most of all, I hate the way you make me fall for you……effortlessly.
The 1st
You’re the 1st person who made me write all these stuff
The 1st one who paired my tear with a laugh
You’re the 1st person who caused my tears to blush
The very 1st one who caused my adrenaline rush
You’re the very 1st reason of my long blank stares
The very 1st reason of my smiles in midair
The 1st trigger of the electric shock down my spine
The 1st person that my eyes search for all the time
You’re the 1st person who made me forget what I just said
The 1st one to make me lie awake in my bed
You’re the very 1st person I have ever loved
Still, you’re the 1st pterson who broke my heart.
The 1st one who paired my tear with a laugh
You’re the 1st person who caused my tears to blush
The very 1st one who caused my adrenaline rush
You’re the very 1st reason of my long blank stares
The very 1st reason of my smiles in midair
The 1st trigger of the electric shock down my spine
The 1st person that my eyes search for all the time
You’re the 1st person who made me forget what I just said
The 1st one to make me lie awake in my bed
You’re the very 1st person I have ever loved
Still, you’re the 1st pterson who broke my heart.
CSI
Napakadelikado talaga sa mundo ngayon. May mga salisi gang, budol-budol, laglag barya at marami pang iba. Sabi nga nila kahit saan mo raw ilagay ang mga bagay na mahalaga sa’yo, makukuha pa rin.
Nakukuha ng hindi mo man lang nalalaman, ng hindi mo namamalayan.
Minsan ang kumukuha pa ay iyong mga hindi mo inaakalang kukuha. At ang pinakamatindi pa sa lahat, yung mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan mo pa ang tumatraydor sa’yo.
Sabagay, kahit saan mo nga naman itago ang isang bagay, makukuha at makukuha pa rin yan, kahit nga mga safety deposit boxes at gigantic vaults ng mga bangko nananakawan eh.
Haay, things are really not meant to be with you forever. They just have to go.
Pero bakit ganoon, hindi ka naman thing di ba?
Bakit yakap na kita na-snatch ka pa?!
Nakukuha ng hindi mo man lang nalalaman, ng hindi mo namamalayan.
Minsan ang kumukuha pa ay iyong mga hindi mo inaakalang kukuha. At ang pinakamatindi pa sa lahat, yung mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan mo pa ang tumatraydor sa’yo.
Sabagay, kahit saan mo nga naman itago ang isang bagay, makukuha at makukuha pa rin yan, kahit nga mga safety deposit boxes at gigantic vaults ng mga bangko nananakawan eh.
Haay, things are really not meant to be with you forever. They just have to go.
Pero bakit ganoon, hindi ka naman thing di ba?
Bakit yakap na kita na-snatch ka pa?!
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