realizations about death

death is such a sorrowful thing.

death seems to be something foreign, something trivial until it happens to you or to the people you love.

someone died because you lived and you lived because someone died. it is what we call balance.

we are not rich in anyway. we do not have the latest gadgets. we cannot boast of properties or antique furnitures. but we have the love that others will sell all their wealth for.

"at ang tanging pabaon ko ay pag-ibig"

people have different ways of coping with loss. as for me, i prefer to keep silent. sometimes, you have to hold your tears back to be able to wipe someone else's.

death is something natural.when we were born, we are expected to die some time in the future. what makes it painful are the what if's and what could have been's.

someday, we will be together in paradise.

simple dreams

someday, someone's fingers will fill the gaps between mine.... forever

Do I Make You Proud?

endless congratulations...
a long list of well-wishers...

but my heart yearns for the congratulations of that one person who served as my motivation all these years. ever since i started studying, i've worked so hard for the day that she will tell me "i'm proud of you anak." in the end, all success amount to nothing if i knew i didn't make her proud. it's amazing how mere words of a single person can make or break you. i remember crying that night because i did my best and people think i am the best but she still didn't seem satisfied. back then, the awards didn't seem to matter and the idea of graduation didn't excite me at all. all i could think of was "it wasn't enough to make her proud."

now, eight years after, i still have those worries in my heart. i am afraid to ask because i fear the answer. i fear that everything i have done is still not enough. i fear that i no longer have any chance to meet the expectations you set for me. i fear hearing you comparing me with others better than me. i fear hearing you're still not satisfied with who i am and with what i have achieved if there is any.

but not knowing torments me. so here i am, with all i am and all the hardwork and sleepless nights, standing in front you, asking "do i make you proud?"