mga kadramahan ng isang babaeng nadulas sa daan

i fell and i was hurt because nobody was there to catch me. i can only scream and by the time he came, there was nothing else he could do. i was already broken. it's funny how people ask "are you ok?" even when they know you're not. maybe, it is to give you that chance to deny your suffering, to deny your agony. so that if you can make others believe, maybe you can make yourself believe too.

falling and getting hurt is natural because there is such a thing as gravity. but gravity is not that strong to keep you down. we all have the strength to stand up. but, not all of us have the courage to do so because standing up means being vulnerable to falling again.

but standing up and falling, and standing up and falling again is better than not standing up at all. don't be afraid of the things that make you happy. they may hurt you at least you were happily hurt than regretfully hurt.

there may be no one there to catch you now but believe in the reality that soon someone will. so don't be afraid to fall. how can someone catch you if you are not falling?

random thoughts

• ang dami ko pang dapat gawin kaya wala akong oras na umiyak at kaawaan ang sarili ko.
• walang dapat pagsisihan sa pagmamahal sa isang tao
• we are all worthy to be loved. God proved us that.
• sana pwedeng i CTRL-F CTRL-X at CTRL-V ang mga tao
• sana maging ok na yung "ikaw" at maging ok na rin yung "ako" para maging ok naman yung "tayo"
• ang saya pala ng yung dating inaasar mo sa kaibigan mo, inaasar na niya ngayon sayo
• i don't know how to fix your broken heart but believe in me when i promise you i won't break it any further
• you taught me everything from falling in love to letting go to falling in love again
• lahat ng lihim ay binunyag, nabunyag, binubunyag o mabubunyag
• maybe the reason why people are fond of wearing earphones in public places is that hearing people inside your ears make you feel less alone.

i think i'm back in that roller coaster ride again

it's back. the feeling i thought i would never feel again. the feeling i thought was long gone. i think i'm back to that roller coaster ride again. i am so excited to see you again, this time, not a simple classmate or friend but as the person to whom i nurture a secret love. now, i am starting to smile that smile only you can put in my face. i am very tired from my every day tasks but i am never tired of smiling because of you. thank you for making me happy by your mere presence. and even though you don't know it yet, you've been a very big help to me this semester :)

i'm back in that roller coaster ride again. though you're still not here with me, i am happy because i know someday somehow, you will be <3

i wanna be with you if only for tonight

i am tired from meeting the demands of my everyday life. i am tired from living up to expectations of those who matter. i am tired from trying everything and doing my best yet not being satisfied with the fruits of my labor. i am tired from working alone. i am tired of being alone. that is why tonight i wanna be with you. you need not hold me tight and tell me everything will be alright. you need not put your arms around me and tell me you still love me even though i can't do the program right. i just need to be next to you. i just need to be with you.

i want to be next to you where grades, impressions and deadlines amount to nothing. i wanna be with you because worries leave me when i am at your side. i wanna be with you because in your eyes i found the greatest escape. i wanna be with you because with you is where reality is better than any other dream.

i wanna be with you. With you nothing else matters because all that matters is you.

When you're angry

when you're angry,

• stop whatever you're doing. instead of accomplishing something, you'll end up accomplishing nothing
• don't suppress your anger. this is a band-aid solution. it might work at first but in the long run it will all explode leaving you more angry than ever.
• don't talk to the people who made you angry as much as possible. you might end up saying things you don't mean.
• listen to calming music (vitamin string quartet's music and classical music are very effective)
• talk to friends without telling them you're angry. friends have the tendency to make you happy even if you're not sad. they are natural and living anti-depressants
• exercise. a very healthy way of releasing your anger :)
• look at trees or beautiful sceneries. next to friends, these are natures anti-depressant
• PRAY! no one else can take away the anger in your heart other than the One who gave you your heart. surrender all your anger to Him and ask Him to replace it with His love. Great trade isn't it?

ideas for paper

where do i begin? i have been staring at the monitor for 30 mins typing nothing.

i don't know how to start this paper! writing academic papers (thesis worth ones) is the same as making a story. you need to research what has already been done to make sure you don't duplicate works. this is the hardest part and this is where i am now. ok. let's do the outline. it works sometimes

introduction

importance of confidence intervals

restrictions

skewed

attempts to solve (problem with the attempts)

bootstrap confidence intervals

establish precision (explain choice of percentile t)

large difference between bci's and standard ci's

what causes the difference?

departures from symmetry or normality can be summarized by moments such as skewness,mean, kurtosis, variance.

the paper investigates the different summary measures that can characterize the deviation of the standard ci from the accurate interval (represented by bci's)

HOPEFULLY output a correction mechanism to correct the ci's using measures computed from the sample.

ok.aja!

missing you

i was doing ok. had almost no sleep at all. but at these times that's normal. but then i saw you. sadness pained my heart almost at the same instant that i saw you smile. i remembered how much i miss you. i remembered the days and nights of looking at places where you might be. i remembered all the draft messages i composed but never sent. the fact that you're drifting away is pain and not even knowing why is torture. The sight of you once sent chills to my spine now it sends chills to my heart. What has become of us? the butterflies in my tummy flew away leaving only sadness and confusion. i remember those long talks we used to have. and everytime i do, i am left with questions. was it real? was it what i thought it is? why did it happen? why is it not happening now? and the most painful question: will it ever happen again?

i wanted to say i miss you but i know better.

eureka moments in between my lecture notes

• Most of the great things we want in life are intimidating. That's what makes life so darn exciting!
• once in every little girl's life she fell in love with a bad boy
• may mga taong sadyang paasa
• we women love mystery. But if he's making you wonder how he feels for you, then dump him girl! If a man truly loves you, he'll make certain he makes himself clear
• hindi sa torpe siya. hindi sa ayaw niyang masira ang friendship niyo. hindi sa hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon. you're not together because he doesn't want you to be. face it. he doesn't love you enough for that.
• love until it hurts. at this point, there will be no more pain just love (mother teresa)
• i'm looking forward to falling in love with you again
• bakit ka naman maiinlove sa taong mataas pa ang pride sa sarili niya?
• it is not about knowing when to stop. it is about ensuring that when you finally stopped, there will be no more what-if's, no-but's, no what-might have-been's, only moving on
• walang tatalo sa bangis ng unang pag-ibig
• if it doesn't feel right then it is wrong but the converse is not true
• never settle for anything less. you're too much special for that
• do you love me or do you not? you told me once but i forgot, so tell me now and tell me true. so i can say i love you too!
• "i'm free" is not always the complement of "i'm taken." sometimes it is "i'm reserved"
• i feel you love me but the consequence of type I error is a hundredfold greater than that of type II error

I will study because...

i will study because....

• i don't want to end up a beggar
• i want to learn more!
• conquering the academe is a challenge i just can't resist!
• i actually get paid to do it
• the taxes of the Filipino people pay for my education
• learning new things is as exciting as traveling to new places!
• people in the academe are smart and from that pool of smart people are smart guys (ok,this is not always true though)
• if you look very hard amidst those formulas and lengthy proofs are lessons in life :)
• i hate flunking
• there a more than a million children (essentially brighter than me) who can't go to school and the aren't-you-guilty plea works here
• being a student gives me access to the library, to all the books! yey!
• being a student entitles me with 20% discount on transport fare and meals
• i get to enjoy trips paid for by my mom :)
• i get to go to overnight out-of-town trips with permission and sometimes even persuasion from my mom!
• i want to make this world a better place :D
• i believe that coming into this world our minds are like blank pages of a notebook. We live through life writing about all the things we have learned. It would be very embarrassing to give back a blank notebook to God.
• though not all things are thought inside the classroom, most of them are.
• i don't want to disappoint my parents
• it seems such a natural thing to do! haha
• being in school is the fastest and most efficient way to meet and make new friends

there are actually a million reasons. i'll try to put them here (a million? WTF!) so if you're lazing around, not wanting to study perhaps you can read this list or you can make your own! :D it's a fun way to motivate yourself to study (well, it worked for me :)so it might as well work for you *wink)