Bottled-up Negativities

It's been over a month since I last posted a blog entry. Busy or maybe I'm just too tired to write. So many things were hapening all at the same time and I can't seem to get a grip of what's happening, it's like everything I'm holding onto is slippang past my fingertips. During that time, a realization dawned on me. I need to write. I need to write to release all these negativites and to share to the world my joys, my happiness. So, prepare yourslef for a month's worth of bottled-up emotions.

I am in a place I have decided to leave as soon as I stepped in. But I'm still here because it's very hard to look for some place else when you can't leave the place you're at. I'm torn between trying to find that place I like, that place where I belong and staying just to prove my worth, to ensure that I will be missed when I'm gone. I'm torn because I know the people I love needs me to stay here just for the sustenance it provides and I can't fail them. All these years, I have been waiting for this time when I can give back to them, when I can take care of them like they took care of me. Once again I remind myself: Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it.

"I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love." I'll write another blog entry on this. But the gist is "He never really loved me." It hurts. It hurts that I spent so many nights and days thinking and sometimes crying about him only to find out that he never really did care. All these years I was holding on to the thought that maybe he was just tightlipped; that he loves me but because I avoid him, he got discouraged. I was so stupid because all along, I was the only one living on this love story.

I'm constatly having that feeling of wanting to own that universal undo button and I hate it because I tell my friends everytime, " Pinili mo yan. Panindigan mo." It sure is easier said than done.

I have this feeling that my brain is deteriorating. I often feel as in there is a haze covering my brain. It's like it's clouded of some sort. I am having difficulty focusing sometimes and I occasionally forget things that were said to me like 5 miutes ago. I also experience difficulty doing spontaneous calculations and I can't get seem to get the hang of playing a bass drum. It may sound perfectly normal to some but I really am not like that before. I can feel the difference. And I'm afraid. I'm only 21 so I don't think this has anything to do with ageing. I'm scared.

Negativities are bad for your health. It's better if you release them. And ask for positive energies from the Maker of it all.

Dear God,
I know haven't been speaking much to you lately. Inspite of that, you still take time to guide me and give solutions to my problems. Thank you for that. You don't know how much that means to me. After everyone has gone, I know you will still be there. Sorry for the times I stray away from the lessons you teach me.  Please, guide me in this journey. I won't last a second here without you. I am powerless. I am nothing without You.

Myka Danila: Naughty or NIce?

At least! May pag-asa pang igrant ni Santa ang wish ko for Christmas!

One Way Do Not Enter

I dreamt of you again...




We were walking close to each other

close enough to hold hands but still far to even try

We were walking uphill towards our friends seated on a table



facing us, they were chattering

and i couldn't help but blush when they said

"bagay talaga sila ano?"



and as a mischievious smile crossed our friend's face, my dream swirled into nothingness



The funny thing about this dream is that i didn't see your face but somehow, i knew it was you.

or i was hoping it was you or i was making myself believe it was you



damn



lagi kitang naiisip

lagi kitang napapanaginipan

lagi akong naghihintay ng text mo

lagi kong iniisip kung anong gagawin mo kung ikaw ang nasa lugar ko

lagi kong iniimagine an makikita kita randomly

lagi, lagi, lagi na lang ikaw



at ang nakakainis sa lahat ng ito...



hindi mo naman ako iniisip

hindi mo naman ako napapanaginipan

hindi ka naman naghihintay ng text ko

hindi mo naman iniisip kung anong gagawin ko kung akoa ng nasa lugar mo

hindi mo naman iniimagine na makikita mo ako randomly

hindi, ni minsan, hindi naman naging ako



sabi ko dati, ok lang kahit hindi mo ako mahal basta ikaw mahal ko.

pero nakakapagod din pala ang lagi na lang ako ang nagbibigay, lagi na lang ako ang nagmamahal

gusto ko rin namang maging selfish minsan and demand the love i deserve



at sa pag-eemo kong ito, may background music "Adele: Melt My Heart to Stone"



And I hear your words that I made up

You say my name like there could be an us

I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love



I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

Ilang beses ko kaya dapat ulitin ito sa sarili ko para matauhan ako?



I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love



Well, at least, I'm in love. That must mean I'm capable of loving. And the ability to love guarrantees us that we are humans

That must mean, I'm a human! And if I could love this much, maybe, someday, I'll be loved as much.



At kung sino ka man out there somewhere na itinadhana ni Lord para sa akin, if you're reading this, don't worry.

I promise to keep my heart whole for you <3



(soooobrang cheeeeesy na ng dapat emo post!)



TATA