A wish came true

He smiled at me this afternoon.

HE SMILED AAAAAAAAAT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. 

and i was so overwhelmed i tried to smile but i ended up looking like my tooth aches. I am such a failure. That was my only chance to offer you my best smile! UGH! I feel like a highschool student meeting her first crush along a corridor. UGH! Confidence? Where is my confidence!?

why does your smile have to be that beautiful? all i was able to do was stand in awe.

missing you

i was doing ok. had almost no sleep at all. but at these times that's normal. but then i saw you. sadness pained my heart almost at the same instant that i saw you smile. i remembered how much i miss you. i remembered the days and nights of looking at places where you might be. i remembered all the draft messages i composed but never sent. the fact that you're drifting away is pain and not even knowing why is torture. The sight of you once sent chills to my spine now it sends chills to my heart. What has become of us? the butterflies in my tummy flew away leaving only sadness and confusion. i remember those long talks we used to have. and everytime i do, i am left with questions. was it real? was it what i thought it is? why did it happen? why is it not happening now? and the most painful question: will it ever happen again?

i wanted to say i miss you but i know better.

Mcdo

amoy chicken fillet na ko.

lasang coke float na ang laway ko.

highblood na ako sa kakakain ng french fries.

pero nasa mcdo ako ngayon.

kasi baka ngayong gabi, magkatotoo na yung eksenang ilang milyong beses ko ng pinaulit ulit sa utak ko.

tama.baka ito na yung gabing yun.

ngalay na ang leeg ko sa kakalingon sa pinto.

naghihinala na sakin yung mama sa labas kasi kanina pa ko tingin ng tingin.

pero hindi pa rin ako umaalis kasi hobby ko to.

hobby ko na ngayon ang maghintay sayo.

A Promise to Myself

I should have been studying for 2 exams the day after tomorrow but you keep on coming in and out of my mind.

I just have to write it all down.

"i bet she's beautiful that girl he talks about

And she's got everything that i have to live without..."

never thought i'd be singing that to myself for the second time.

The sign pointed to you but I guess your sign's pointing to somebody else.

the whole point of writing this is that i don't understand why despite tons of things i have to do (i don't even have time to eat 3 meals a day!!), thoughts of you still find time to bother me and to make me sad. You're way down the priority list but you can inch your way up at times. or is it just me putting you on top of that list?

"it sucks to see him out there falling in and out of love with girls that aren't me"

I don't know if i read the sign wrong or if it is really you.

And i think i won't know for the next few days or maybe months or maybe years.

So i don't want to burden myself with heartaches when the cure of which will come only in years time.

I don't want to be hurt like that again. Imagine 2 years of hurting.

I don't want to feel melancholic every time i think of you.

I want to remember that wonderful feeling: butterflies in my tummy, wide smiles from ear to ear and that exciting nervousness every time you come near.

That is why i'm promising to myself that i will just admire you from a distance (not coming near at all because I just might be swept away) and be good at what i do because i think it's my number 1 priority now. and maybe, once i achieved that, i can cross it out and delete it from the list so you will inch up. And when i have done everything i have to do, i won't let you go anymore.

I promise never to cram again if i can help it!!

bew! study!!

Effortlessly

I hate the way you smile so sweetly
I hate the way you kneel down to pray fervently
I hate to know that you can sing
I hate to realize that you can do almost everything

I hate dreaming you could walk me home
I hate hoping you’d text my phone
I hate seeing you close your eyes and still looking so admirable
I hate realizing how good you are and responsible

I hate seeing you everyday
I hate admiring you uncontrollably
I hate smiling when you come across my way
But most of all, I hate the way you make me fall for you……effortlessly.