Never fall in love with a poet... by A Thomas Hawkins

I just want to share this beautiful poem I came across today in Hello Poetry.Com.

Never fall in love with a poet... 

Never fall in love with a poet
for their words are sometimes lies
on occasions they're a shield
on occasions a disguise

They will take you on a journey
upon which they bare their soul
in a bid to ease your burdens
in a bid to make you whole

But in every word they choose
for the stories that they tell
lies a little piece of heaven
and a little piece of hell

Tormented souls we poets are
sometimes quite broken and despaired
in search of lost expressions
missed by others who once cared

Never fall in love with a poet
unless you're prepared to share their pain
to hold them close on the darkest nights
over and again

My favorite lines are:

 But in every word they choose
for the stories that they tell
lies a little piece of heaven
and a little piece of hell

 Tormented souls we poets are
sometimes quite broken and despaired

 I haven't been writing poems for a long time. Sometimes I have the feeling but I can't find the right words. And, at other times I have the right words but they are empty without the right feeling. I hope to be able to strike both at the same time soon.

Yay for poets!
Yay for people unafraid to say how they feel!
Yay for people who knows the right words and how to say them!
Yay for inspiration!
Yay for poetry!

Mani Monday: Glittery Red

Last June 20 was my father's 48th birthday. In celebration, my mom and dad cooked the best kare-kare and best palabok in the world. It was a small celebration with just my aunts, uncles and cousins.

Pose for the pic Ate Anne!

After the kalderos of the best palabok and the best kare-kare in the world were scraped to the bottom, my kikay ninang, Ninang Cel (the gorgeous sexy lady who also brought the J. Co donuts. Haha) and first SL, Ate Anne suggested that we clean and paint our nails.
Yay it's Mani Monday time!
This week's Mani Monday is red with dots of silver glitter and the reverse for the accent nail.
And, another thing to note, this is the first time that the mani on my right hand is better than that on my left hand!
Maybe with a little practice, I can make both hands better!

Yay for Mani Mondays!
Yay for more practice!

Tea Bag. Tea Back?

A woman is like a teabag; you never know how strong she is until she's in hot water

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Am I in hot water?

Is this my hot water?

I'm so tired.

I feel so tired.

I feel so tired of feeling inadequate

I feel so tired of being unappreciated

I feel so tired of being backstabbed

I feel so tired of those pitiful looks

I feel so tired of deadlines

I feel so tired of feeling so tired.

Is this my hot water?

What am I doing?

Am I giving up?

Am I giving in?

Am I not strong enough?

Well, even teabags have their limit.

Once you've exhausted its essence, no matter how hot the water you put in, it will taste like nothing.

Am I at my limit?

Is this still worth pushing my limit?

Is this still worth it?

Are you still worth it?

I want to tell the person who wrote this this:

If every person who ever got depressed, failed, stressed, pressured and cried gave up, there wouldn't be any Thomas Edison, Michael Jordan or even Steve Jobs.

If all diamonds cracked at the pressure of being carved, there wouldn't be any pretty engagement rings to offer during proposals.

If all mommy dogs shunned the pain of giving birth, there wouldn't be any cute puppies to cuddle.

If all the people who got their hearts broken never loved again, the world would be in a grand state of chaos.

We all have our own pains given according to how much we can take, plus a little bit more so that we can improve.

Pain is good. Pain justifies that you are still alive. Pain justifies that you have the opportunity to feel joy and love.

So, to you, stop all these negativities. Half of it is your own doing. Make things happen. Make good things happen. Never lose sight of your priorities. Enjoy the pain. Joy will come soon after. Aja Myka!

One Way Do Not Enter

I dreamt of you again...




We were walking close to each other

close enough to hold hands but still far to even try

We were walking uphill towards our friends seated on a table



facing us, they were chattering

and i couldn't help but blush when they said

"bagay talaga sila ano?"



and as a mischievious smile crossed our friend's face, my dream swirled into nothingness



The funny thing about this dream is that i didn't see your face but somehow, i knew it was you.

or i was hoping it was you or i was making myself believe it was you



damn



lagi kitang naiisip

lagi kitang napapanaginipan

lagi akong naghihintay ng text mo

lagi kong iniisip kung anong gagawin mo kung ikaw ang nasa lugar ko

lagi kong iniimagine an makikita kita randomly

lagi, lagi, lagi na lang ikaw



at ang nakakainis sa lahat ng ito...



hindi mo naman ako iniisip

hindi mo naman ako napapanaginipan

hindi ka naman naghihintay ng text ko

hindi mo naman iniisip kung anong gagawin ko kung akoa ng nasa lugar mo

hindi mo naman iniimagine na makikita mo ako randomly

hindi, ni minsan, hindi naman naging ako



sabi ko dati, ok lang kahit hindi mo ako mahal basta ikaw mahal ko.

pero nakakapagod din pala ang lagi na lang ako ang nagbibigay, lagi na lang ako ang nagmamahal

gusto ko rin namang maging selfish minsan and demand the love i deserve



at sa pag-eemo kong ito, may background music "Adele: Melt My Heart to Stone"



And I hear your words that I made up

You say my name like there could be an us

I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love



I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

Ilang beses ko kaya dapat ulitin ito sa sarili ko para matauhan ako?



I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love



Well, at least, I'm in love. That must mean I'm capable of loving. And the ability to love guarrantees us that we are humans

That must mean, I'm a human! And if I could love this much, maybe, someday, I'll be loved as much.



At kung sino ka man out there somewhere na itinadhana ni Lord para sa akin, if you're reading this, don't worry.

I promise to keep my heart whole for you <3



(soooobrang cheeeeesy na ng dapat emo post!)



TATA

Need you now.

Theme song for the month.

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time"


I am happy. And right now that's what's important.

Advice to self: Dwell on the feeling. Let tomorrow worry about itself.

Namiss ko yung ganitong feeling.
Namiss ko yung ngumingiti mag-isa.
Namiss ko yung napapatalon pag nagvibrate ang phone.
Namiss ko yung "next" pag emo song ang nagpeplay
Namiss ko yung ngingiti na lang kasi hindi mo maipaliwanag kung gaano kasaya

Namimiss ko....

"It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now. Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now..."

Totorothoughts

June 7, 2011

My wish for the two of you has finally come true. And please believe me when I say I'm genuinely happy for the two of you. I have loved you both with all my heart albeit in different ways and nothing makes me happier than two of my friends falling in love.

Friends are the best anti-depressants as well as destressors

Songs played in the office everyday:
"I'm no beauty queen. I'm just beautiful me"
"That should be me holding your hand. That should be me making you laugh"
"Don't be a drag just be a queen"

Quote galing kay RM:
Ang pagkabigo sa pag-ibig ay parang pagkalaglag sa hagdan. Sa umpisa masakit, pero maya-maya tatawanan mo na lang.

not anymore

i used to involuntarily hold my breath when you're around
i used to skip a heart beat when you're on line
i used to be extra clumsy when i hear you coming
i used to stand in awe when i see you smiling
i used to have this tingles on my spine
i used to wish you were mine

but yes, not this time
not this time anymore
not anymore

i guess my love for you died a natural death

huli ka!

alas dos ng umaga buhay na buhay pa
kay daming gagawin pag gising na sila
walang kausap, walang kasama
lumilipad ang isip patungong EDSA

biglang nahuli ko na lang ang sarili ko
humihiling, sumasamo
sana andito ka sa tabi ko
sana nakikita ko ang puyat na ngiti mo

ito yung mga panahong hinhiniling kong sana nandito ka
sana hindi naging komplikado ang mundong ginagalawan nating dalawa
sana kayang ayusin ng mundo ang mga problema niya
para may oras tayo sa isa't-isa

sana ngayon ikaw ang kapeng pampagising ko
sana tumatawa ako ng mag-isa sa mga hirit mo
sana madali kong natatapos ang gawain ko
kasi sa totoo lang, inspirado ako

ito yung mga panahong sana kasama kita
sana malapit ka kahit malayo naman talaga
sana wala tayong  mga problema
basta ikaw lang si .... at ako lang si Myka

inaamin kong di ko na dapat naiisip ito
kasi pinalaya ko na ang sarili ko sayo
pero maitatanggi ko ba ang totoo
na sa oras na ito, ikaw lang ang kailangan ko?

moving on

I made a deal with God

Just like what I did a year and a month ago

If you arrive then you will know and will know it all

But if you don't, you will never ever

The deal was 5 minutes after I finish writing my words

I waited. Waited until the time was up.

And even way beyond it.

Everytime the door creaks open, I turn

Wishing every stranger to be you

It was impossible for you to come

But the impossible is impossible if God wills it

So out of faith and love

I clutched that tissue paper drenched in purple

Now my heart and my feelings as fragile as it

I was ready to wait forever

But waiting has to end

God said the time is up

my words written in a tissue paper

i was prepared to tell you but you never came

and as this tissue paper now dissolves in the water

so is my love. so are my feelings

i am now prepared to let you go

because now i know and now for sure

we were never destined for a "forever after"

As I leave, I left that tissue paper

And along with it, my love for you

Although smeared by the choices I made

I tell you it is real. It was real

And yes, it is sad moving on from something that was real

Yes, it is sad but I am not hurting

I am no longer hurting

In fact, I am moving

Moving on.

Magical Moment < 3

Alam kong cheesy pero kailangan mo na talagang malaman. Aalis na ako kaya huling pagkakataon ko na para sabihin sayo ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Mahal kita noon pa pero maniniwala ka ba kung sasabihin kong mas mahal kita ngayon? Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin. Magmumukha naman akong tanga nun kaya pinaramdam ko na lang. Sana naman  naramdaman mo diba? I love you so much I cannot even speak of its length or breadth or depth. I never thought I could love someone like this but then again I thought wrong. Dahil sayo, lagi na akong may katext at hindi ko na kailangan magforward ng quotes para masulit ang unli ko. Dahil sayo nagkaroon ako ng tapang. Dahil sayo mas naintindihan ko ang sarili ko. Dahil sayo naging mas mabuti akong tao. Dahil sayo, wala na akong pakialam sa sasabihin nila. Basta masaya ka. Basta kasama kita. 

Pero hindi rin naging madali ang ipakita sayo na mahal kita. Maraming beses na rin akong umiyak dahil sayo. Maraming beses na naiinis ako kasi hindi ko maiwasang hindi ka isipin kahit marami akong ginagawa sa acads. Maraming beses na naiiyak na lang ako sa sobrang pagod. Maraming beses na nahihilo na ako sa sobrang puyat. Maraming beses na rin na ginusto ko ng isuko ang lahat ng ito. Pero sa tuwing nakikita kitang nakangiti, nakatawa at masaya, nalulusaw lahat ng paghihirap. Nawawala lahat ng lungkot. Biglang ok na ako ulit.

Sabi ng mga magulang ko, nakasama ka raw sa akin. Nalulungkot ako. Nalulungkot ako kasi hindi nila makita kung gaano ako naging isang mabuting tao dahil sayo, kung gaano ako naging matatag dahil sayo. My best has always been because of you.

Sana sa pag-alis ko maging ok ka pa rin. Sana malampasan mo ang mga sarili mong expectations. Magkakalayo na tayo pero di naman ako mawawala. Pangako yan. Tawag ka lang pag kailangan mo ko. Alam mo namang hindi kita matitiis.

Sa panghuli, gusto kong magpasalamat sayo.  Salamat sa pagkakataong magkaroon tayo ng “babies” at “mga bunso.” Sana alam nila kung gaano ko sila kamahal.

Salamat sa pagkakataong maging "Best Member" si Demae. Salamat sa pagkakataong makita si Canter na kinikilig. Salamat sa pagkakataong magpuyat kasama ni Gelli. Salamat sa pagkakataong masabihan ni Kat ng "I love you Myka Dear." Salamat sa pagkakataong makita ang bitchy side ni Q. Salamat sa pagkakataong mapaiyak si Polina. Salamat sa pagkakataong masermunan at sermunan si Hebs. Salamat sa pagkakataong makitang magkalovelife si Macar. Salamat sa pagkakataong makita si Aiz na kumain ng nakakamay. Salamat sa pagkakataong maging kampante na si Mau ang papalit sa akin. Salamat sa pagkakataong makita si Kris na laging kausap ni Chief habang kinikilig. Salamat sa pagkakataong makita si Kuya Marvin na hanggang tenga ang ngiti sa sobrang kilig. Sana alam nila na kung papipiliin ulit ako, sila pa rin ang mga members na kukunin ko.

Salamat sa pagkakataong maging Personnel Chair mo. Salamat sa pagkakataong makilala sina Perv Goddess at Voyeuristic Princess. Salamat sa pagkakataong awayin  si RM at Jimmy. Salamat sa pagkakataong madiscover ang lovelives ni Nino. Salamat sa pagkakataong abusuhin ang sipag ni Thea at Kim. Salamat sa pagkakataong maasar ni Jong at asarin si Roni.  Salamat sa pagkakataong makatrabaho at maging mga tunay na kaibigan ang pinakajeje na BOD. Diba, akala nilang lahat hindi natin kakayanin. Pero akala lang nila yun.

Salamat sa pagkakataong maging tunay na kaibigan ang 2 pinakasexy na presidente mo. Sana alam nila kung gaano ko sila namimiss.

Salamat sa pagkakataong makilala at mahalin siya. Sana makahanap siya ng taong mamahalin niya at mamahalin siya ng higit pa.

Salamat sa lahat ng bagay na naituro mo sa akin. Salamat sa pagtitiwala. Salamat sa pagmamahal.  Salamat sa mabubuting kaibigan na natagpuan ko dahil sayo. Salamat. Salamat. Salamat sayo, StatSoc.

say it again

no need to translate coz my eyes give me away. haaaay. i just told myself it's over. i just told myself i don't feel the same way. but what is this? is it possible to fall in love with a person 3 times? or is it because of the people around us? i don't know. i am confused. but i am happy. it's been a long time since i felt this way. now, i don't want to ask any questions. let me savor the moment. nothing is clear but i have nothing to lose.


i don't know why you have such power over me.
i don't know how you make my eyes speak only of honesty.
i don't know why i can't help but smile when you're around.
i don't know. do i need to know?

maybe...

"i love him. i still love him"

you say it as though you want to convince yourself. i wasn't there to witness your love story perhaps i just read about it somewhere or you just narrated them to me so i may judge wrongly. i may not even have the right to judge in the first place. you may not even read this or even if you do you may not know i'm writing about you. but trust me i'm writing this because i am your friend and because i love you.

maybe you didn't love him that much. forgive this brutal honesty but the sooner you accept it, the sooner you set yourself and him free. when you love a person, you don't need to convince yourself that you do. And you won't stammer when you say "i love you too."  why waste your time on someone you're not sure if you truly love? or to put it bluntly, why waste your time on someone you don't love?

 i think love is something we have to be sure about because we deal with hearts here. something more fragile than sugar glass. something more breakable than a promise.  so be careful. handle yourself with care. and that comes with a please.

officially missing you...

You were not here today. Just like the other day and the day before that. Where are you? Why the sudden disappearance? Is something wrong? I can't help but ask questions. Will they ever be answered? (UGH! Even that is a question!) Because you are not here to answer them and in my normal sober mode, I cannot have the courage to ask. I feel sad. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes, it makes the heart grow tired. And now I must say I am tired. I am tired of asking questions. I am tired of figuring you out. I am tired of waiting.

I feel like I lost an old friend. I miss you not anymore as my object of affection but as  one of my most valued friends.  I just want my friend back. I won't be here any longer. You can count with the fingers of one hand the number of months until I'm gone. I just want to spend that remaining time having fun with my friends. But it seems wanting something more than friendship has driven you away from me. So, if you don't want to be my object of affection then so be it. Maybe we're better off as friends. Yeah, just friends. 

migraine

i promised myself to stop figuring you out. but here i am. everytime i sit down with myself, i think about you. not about my endless list of things to do, not about my overstretched budget, not about world peace or child abuse. No. i think about you. i once said that figuring you out is the worst way to waste my time. too bad i got used to not listening to myself. so here i am. sitting in a flattened carton box at 12:52 AM thinking about you, thinking about who i am to you, thinking about where i stand in your life. is it a sin for a woman to want security and assurance? No. of course not. but refusing to accept the truth that's been slapped to your face is. i can't stop wanting you. i can't stop imagining you and me and us. i can't stop imagining the fun we could have if we're together. i can't stop rehearsing words i want to tell you when time and opportunity permits. i've been here before. and i've been hurt. why do i not learn from my mistakes? maybe because, until now, i don't want to accept that it was just a mistake. how can a mistake feel that good?

but please don't get me wrong. i am not madly in love. i am just.....madly into love. maybe it's because of the season.or maybe it is you or is it just me? haha.

hingang malalim

alam mo yung naiinis peero nangingiti, ako yun eh! as in RAWR! RAWR! RAWR!

gusto kong sumigaw, sumigaw, sumigaw, SUMIGAW!

gusto kong magpagulong-gulong, gulong, gulong, GULONG!

hindi ko maintindihan kung anong nararamdaman ko basta ang alam ko lang hindi ako masaya. hindi na ako masaya.

nalulungkot ako....

nalulungkot ako kasi ang komplikado na ng lahat ngayon.

para akong may bola na dati ako lang ang naglalaro pero ngayon marami ng kasali. nung una masaya pero ngayon.....
nagugulat na lang ako, may biglang magpapasa sayo ng di man lang nagsasabi. hindi ko tuloy masalo ng maayos.
hindi ko alam kung kelan ko pa mahahawakan yun ulit. yung ako lang.

call it selfish but some things are better kept to myself only.

pero nangyari na ang mga nangyari
nasabi na ang lahat ng mga nasabi
wala na akong magagawa kundi sabihin sa sarili ko na "ngiti lang. maayos din yan. ngiti lang"

if it were supposed to feel good, they wouldn't call it crush- Jahan

dati hindi ko naiintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng quote na yan pero dati yun. ngayon, intinding-intindi ko na. sigh.

and if...

and if loving you is all that means to me and being happy is all i'd hope you'd be, then loving you must mean i really have to set you free

ang pinakanakakalungkot sa lahat ay yung nagiging sagabal ka sa mga pangarap ng taong mahal mo. yan ang kinakatakot ko ngayon. kaya naman, go lang. kaya mo yan! siguro cheerleader mo na lang muna ako. mahirap pero kakayanin ko kasi alam ko namang kaya mo. wag na wag kang mawawalan ng tiwala sa sarili mo kasi ang laki ng tiwala ko sayo. at habang kinakaya mo yan, gagawin ko naman ang lahat ng kaya ko para magtagumpay rin. success is sweet but it is sweeter when we taste it together. kaya natin to!

no regrets, just love

loving what you do +  loving the people you're working with +  loving the people you're working for = happiness

from now on, i will do everything so that i won't have any regrets. i've been afraid all my life. i think it's about time i give myself a chance. i'm going to smile at every opportunity and hold on tight to those that matter. i will love until it hurts and will hurt until another love. i will quit trying to figure people out. maybe the reason why you can't get them out of your head is that they are meant to stay there. i don't want to wallow in self-pity anymore. i want to bathe in self-love. i know changing is hard but it's harder if i won't even try. i know i've made and broken promises more that you can count with your two hands, but i want to make promises again. maybe, promising also needs practice. the good thing is i have all the time to practice!

**forgiveness is something that is given without any condition, without anything in return (that's why it's for-give).

Should i Stay, Gabrielle

ever experience hearing a certain song and realizing that all of the lyrics are precisely what's in your heart? That has happened to me lots of times. most recently it's should i stay by gabrielle. i think i don't need to elaborate any further. the lyrics say it all. hahaha.

"Should I Stay?"

Here I am, waiting for a sign, I never seem to know
If you want me in your life, where do I stand
I just don't know
I never feel I know you
'Cause you blow hot and you blow cold, it seems I've grown attached
Though we're not the perfect match
I just can't explain

Should I stay
Should I go
Could I ever really stand to let you go
Can you now find the right words to say
That maybe I'm getting in your way

I feel your warmth, got me wanting more, you've left the door half open
I'm in two minds to explore, but then again
Am I being honest, being truthful to myself, can I see my life without you
Could I be with someone else
It seems I've grown attached, though we're not the perfect match
I just can't explain

Should I stay
Should I go
Could I ever really stand to let you go
Can you now find the right words to say
That maybe I'm getting in your way

Should I stay
Should I go
Could I ever really stand to let you go
Can you now find the right words to say
That maybe I'm getting in your way

It seems I've grown attached
Though we're not the perfect match

Should I stay
Should I go
Could I ever really stand to let you go
Can you now find the right words to say
That maybe I'm getting in your way

random thoughts

• ang dami ko pang dapat gawin kaya wala akong oras na umiyak at kaawaan ang sarili ko.
• walang dapat pagsisihan sa pagmamahal sa isang tao
• we are all worthy to be loved. God proved us that.
• sana pwedeng i CTRL-F CTRL-X at CTRL-V ang mga tao
• sana maging ok na yung "ikaw" at maging ok na rin yung "ako" para maging ok naman yung "tayo"
• ang saya pala ng yung dating inaasar mo sa kaibigan mo, inaasar na niya ngayon sayo
• i don't know how to fix your broken heart but believe in me when i promise you i won't break it any further
• you taught me everything from falling in love to letting go to falling in love again
• lahat ng lihim ay binunyag, nabunyag, binubunyag o mabubunyag
• maybe the reason why people are fond of wearing earphones in public places is that hearing people inside your ears make you feel less alone.