A Prayer

Lord, teach me to be cool in the midst of hot heads
Teach me to smile in the midst of frowns
Teach me to be patient in the midst of snaps
Teach me to whisper in the midst of raised voices
Teach me to focus in the midst of chaos
Teach me to laugh in the midst of tears
Teach me to differ in the midst of commonality
Teach me to love in the midst of hatred
Teach me to trust in the midst of betrayal
Teach me my Teacher.
Save me my Saviour.

Birthday Surprise

It was a beautiful evening and I was feeling so down again. Good thing nobody noticed because I would surely cry if anyone asked. I was sad because I am tired. I was sad because I feel like I'm killing myself. I was sad because the world seems to contradict my wants, my ideas. I just wanted to work, work to my limits so by then I could rest. The difference between being tired and being sad is that the former has an over-the-counter solution which the latter apparently lacks.

It felt weird smiling all the time when you know deep inside that there was no reason to do so. I was this much depressed. When a friend handed a picture of a certain person to me, i was infuriated. The first thing that popped on my mind was "Did you actually think my whole world revolves around this guy?! What good is a picture if you can't have the real thing?" I was more sulky after that. But then again, the tides turned. I am the worst person to give a surprise to because I always manage to find out (not that i'm trying!) They formed a circle with each holding candles and the next thing I know there was a loud "Happy Birthday" being sung while passers-by curiously look at us. They made me blow 21 candles not once but twice. And, I actually had a cake! A second cake for my birthday! My sadness seemed to drain away. I am very happy not because of the cake or the candles or the party hat but because the people I love were there singing at the top of their lungs that they are happy I was born, that is the best thing in the world. I don't give a damn about the people who don't know or even care if it's my birthday because I already have the ones who matter singing to me. I am happy, very happy.

Now I know that if God were to grant me a post-birthday wish, I would ask that He guide this people and give them the best of health because I don't know what I'd do without them.

And if God so loved me to grant me a second post-birthday wish, I would ask for a day with he-who-must-not-be-named when we could just talk all day without anybody throwing meaningful glances at me and teasing me inside their heads. I find it a great relief to be able to talk to him.

I am expressing this wishes now because God taught me this week that you must be careful what you wish for because you just might get it but you have to be extra careful not wishing for anything because you will get nothing. As goes the old Bible saying "Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find." God always knew what i want even before i could put them into words and He gave me exactly that: my friends, my good friends. They are the best birthday gift ever.

birthday fast approaching.....

in less than a week i'd be turning 21. according to the laws of society, by then i could get married without my parents' consent. i am actually excited (not with the opportunity to get married without consent). For me, spending birthdays means being thankful of another year given by God and saying "happy birthday to you " is like saying "i'm glad God gave you one more year to be with me."

i think i won't be asking for anything this year because God always knew how to make my birthday very special. i won't be asking for you. i already gave you up to God. what he wants to do with you, with us is all up to Him. and that goes for you too. they say it takes 21 days to make a habit and counting the number of days i've not seen you would mean i have already acquired the habit of not needing to see you. and i think that's a good thing.

evaluating the year that was for me, i can say that i am proud of myself. i've had so much love and less hate. i've been very open about my feelings. i have less "what -if's", ""i-should-have's" and "why-didn't-i's". more "i-love-you's", i'm-sorry's" and 'thank-you's".

i am happy being 20 and i bet being 21 is a whole lot of fun.

OH MY GOD!!

The other day, somebody told me that have to practice this and that to be saved, to enter the kingdom of God. I’m not an atheist but I believe that nobody has the right to tell me that I’m not going to be saved except God. I also believe that every individual has their own religion, that is, that everyone has their own way of worshipping God. I‘m a Catholic and I do not have the right to say that Muslims will not be saved just because they do not practice the things that I do. They have their own way of worshipping God and I must respect that. Different religions may call God with different names but these names, I believe, are referring to just one God.
Another thing is the Bible. I am a Catholic and I know its importance but right now, many people are arguing about the interpretation of the Bible. Different scholars interpret it differently so they are in dispute of what is the correct interpretation. In my own point of view, we must not argue about it because two people can look at the same thing and see differently. In other words, every individual has his or her own interpretation of the Bible and for me, the way you interpret the Bible is God’s message to you. It is what God wants you to do. I have faith that God set a unique mission for every person and because of His unconditional love, He is giving us all the chances. We may fail once or twice but as long as we learn from that failure, I know, He’s going to give us another try. God’s love is unconditional, eternal, it is not selective, it is not biased and it is available for everybody whose hearts are open to let it in.

Thank you, GOD

I was standing there one afternoon. My chest was heavy with unreleased sighs. My eyes were sore with held-back tears.
I bid goodbye to Little Miss Vain that afternoon and I could do nothing but hide my pain. I was so afraid. I have lived my life with her in me. Now, I'm afraid to take another step without her. I still felt her remnants in me and that made it much harder. I felt so lost.
Thank you God for sending an angel who reminded me that you are always there for me.
I realized how dumb I was. You were right in front of me yet I searched for others to wipe away my fears.
As I come into your presence, tears trickled down my cheeks. I was like a wounded child running to her father, telling him who caused those wounds.
Then you told me

" When fears weaken your knees, when you can't take it anymore, turn to me. I will not wipe away your fears but I will help you keep your knees from falling apart"

Those were the exact words I needed to hear. I felt a lot better.

I have not gotten over Little Miss Vain. I can still feel her inside me. Please make me strong enought to get over her. Thank you Lord. Thank you God. Thank you, Father.