It is all about balance

It is all about balance.

Nature has its own way of taking what's not rightfully yours and giving to you what you really deserve.

It is a delicate scale with no specific timeline.

We must not be angry nor upset about it because that is really how life goes. If we try to counteract this, it will only result to catastrophic events.

I say, accept the nature of life and be more deserving of wonderful things. That way, you will not be one of those who stood at the edge of the cliff swearing "Life is Unfair!"

Life is fair.

It gives you all the chances you need. That is why, this would probably be my last post in this blog. I want to start a new one with a new twist. I am not one of those people who get things right the first time but I am willing to try again.

I hope I make good of this second. Let's cross our fingers!

Bottled-up Negativities

It's been over a month since I last posted a blog entry. Busy or maybe I'm just too tired to write. So many things were hapening all at the same time and I can't seem to get a grip of what's happening, it's like everything I'm holding onto is slippang past my fingertips. During that time, a realization dawned on me. I need to write. I need to write to release all these negativites and to share to the world my joys, my happiness. So, prepare yourslef for a month's worth of bottled-up emotions.

I am in a place I have decided to leave as soon as I stepped in. But I'm still here because it's very hard to look for some place else when you can't leave the place you're at. I'm torn between trying to find that place I like, that place where I belong and staying just to prove my worth, to ensure that I will be missed when I'm gone. I'm torn because I know the people I love needs me to stay here just for the sustenance it provides and I can't fail them. All these years, I have been waiting for this time when I can give back to them, when I can take care of them like they took care of me. Once again I remind myself: Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it.

"I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love." I'll write another blog entry on this. But the gist is "He never really loved me." It hurts. It hurts that I spent so many nights and days thinking and sometimes crying about him only to find out that he never really did care. All these years I was holding on to the thought that maybe he was just tightlipped; that he loves me but because I avoid him, he got discouraged. I was so stupid because all along, I was the only one living on this love story.

I'm constatly having that feeling of wanting to own that universal undo button and I hate it because I tell my friends everytime, " Pinili mo yan. Panindigan mo." It sure is easier said than done.

I have this feeling that my brain is deteriorating. I often feel as in there is a haze covering my brain. It's like it's clouded of some sort. I am having difficulty focusing sometimes and I occasionally forget things that were said to me like 5 miutes ago. I also experience difficulty doing spontaneous calculations and I can't get seem to get the hang of playing a bass drum. It may sound perfectly normal to some but I really am not like that before. I can feel the difference. And I'm afraid. I'm only 21 so I don't think this has anything to do with ageing. I'm scared.

Negativities are bad for your health. It's better if you release them. And ask for positive energies from the Maker of it all.

Dear God,
I know haven't been speaking much to you lately. Inspite of that, you still take time to guide me and give solutions to my problems. Thank you for that. You don't know how much that means to me. After everyone has gone, I know you will still be there. Sorry for the times I stray away from the lessons you teach me.  Please, guide me in this journey. I won't last a second here without you. I am powerless. I am nothing without You.

Myka Danila: Naughty or NIce?

At least! May pag-asa pang igrant ni Santa ang wish ko for Christmas!

One Way Do Not Enter

I dreamt of you again...




We were walking close to each other

close enough to hold hands but still far to even try

We were walking uphill towards our friends seated on a table



facing us, they were chattering

and i couldn't help but blush when they said

"bagay talaga sila ano?"



and as a mischievious smile crossed our friend's face, my dream swirled into nothingness



The funny thing about this dream is that i didn't see your face but somehow, i knew it was you.

or i was hoping it was you or i was making myself believe it was you



damn



lagi kitang naiisip

lagi kitang napapanaginipan

lagi akong naghihintay ng text mo

lagi kong iniisip kung anong gagawin mo kung ikaw ang nasa lugar ko

lagi kong iniimagine an makikita kita randomly

lagi, lagi, lagi na lang ikaw



at ang nakakainis sa lahat ng ito...



hindi mo naman ako iniisip

hindi mo naman ako napapanaginipan

hindi ka naman naghihintay ng text ko

hindi mo naman iniisip kung anong gagawin ko kung akoa ng nasa lugar mo

hindi mo naman iniimagine na makikita mo ako randomly

hindi, ni minsan, hindi naman naging ako



sabi ko dati, ok lang kahit hindi mo ako mahal basta ikaw mahal ko.

pero nakakapagod din pala ang lagi na lang ako ang nagbibigay, lagi na lang ako ang nagmamahal

gusto ko rin namang maging selfish minsan and demand the love i deserve



at sa pag-eemo kong ito, may background music "Adele: Melt My Heart to Stone"



And I hear your words that I made up

You say my name like there could be an us

I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love



I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

Ilang beses ko kaya dapat ulitin ito sa sarili ko para matauhan ako?



I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love



Well, at least, I'm in love. That must mean I'm capable of loving. And the ability to love guarrantees us that we are humans

That must mean, I'm a human! And if I could love this much, maybe, someday, I'll be loved as much.



At kung sino ka man out there somewhere na itinadhana ni Lord para sa akin, if you're reading this, don't worry.

I promise to keep my heart whole for you <3



(soooobrang cheeeeesy na ng dapat emo post!)



TATA

Margaret Mitchell

Mga Pangarap ng Isang 21 year old na nilalang

Isang gabi matapos gumawa ng copy, napakarandom na naisip ko "Ano nga bang pangarap ko?" (Nagpapakaprofound ang lola mo). Naisip ko bigla. Ikaw, ikaw ang pangarap ko (SOOOOOOOOOOBRANGG CHEEEEEEEEESY) pero actually parang hindi naman. Parang iba ang pangarap ko.Ano nga ba, ano nga ba ang pangarap ko?


pangarap kong kantahin para sa akin ng isang espesyal na tao ang "I'm yours" ng The Script

pangarap kong magtayo ng bahay ampunan

pangarap kong makakuha ng 100 na score sa karaoke

pangarap kong sumayaw ng ballroom
( at habang sinusulat ko ito tumugtog ang "if can see it then i can do it if i just believe it there's nothing to it" i sooooo love you Lord. Ang lakas ng bilib mo sakin)

pangarap kong makasakay sa eroplano

pangarap kong magkaroon ng anak

pangarap kong maging isang mabuting ina

pangarap kong makapagbake ng chocolate cake na masarap

pangarap kong umakytat ng puno

pangarap kong maging dj

pangarap kong sumulat

pangarap kong mapunta sa langit

pangarap kong magsulat ng sarili kong libro

pangarap kong malagay sa dyaryo (for a very positive reason. let's stress that)

pangarap kong makatanggap sa roses

pangarap kong makapagdrive ng kotse

pangarap kong maging proud sila sa akin

pangarap kong mahanap ang "The One"

Pangarap kong makarating sa Great Barrier Reef

Pangarap kong malibot ang Rome

Pangarap kong gumawa ng bag

pangarap kong makawitness ng isang miracle

pangarap kong makapagligtas ng ibang tao

pangarap kong mawala ang lahat ng pimples ko

pangarap kong maging kulot

Pangarap kong maging isang cartoon

pangarap kong makaimbento ng sarili kong recipe na masarap

pangarap kong manalo ng award

pangarap kong mag-out-of -town with my friends

pangarap kong matutong maggitara

pangarap kong matupad ang mga pangarap ko

pangarap kong maging pangarap ng iba. haha

things to do when you're bored to the max like hell

sobrang bored ako today. as in sinearch ko na ang "Things to do when you are bored" sa Google. They have an interesting list actually. ;) tried some. but don't make me tell. it's hilarious. hihi. so i decided to make my own list, for the sake of those like me, bored to the brink of death.

1. Go to peyups.com. anyway, I went to peyups.com for some entertainment. and i found these: haha

nung minahal kita para akong natraffic sa EDSA, i can't move on

ang bilis ng panahon noh? dati ang dami kong gusto, ngayon, ikaw na lang

super laughtrip. mukha akong tanga tumatawa mag-isa. you can choose from a wide array of forums, from boy to boy to girl to girl to RH bill. educating. challenging. entertaining!

2. send someone flowers. just because your day is a not-so-great one, it doesn't mean that you infect others too. i found this really cool site.that sends flowers via email. and a great perk is that it's free! you get to arrange the flowers. choose your vase. choose your card. very sweet.very modern. very unique

3. Google your name. Yes, I know it sounds like a very egotistic thing to do but it's fun. you'll be surprised at what others see when they Google you. My search turned up these results.

syempre puro StatSoc ang lumabas. haha. Narealize ko, ang dali ko pala istalk. haha.

3. Google your crush's name. haha. at syempre hindi ko pwedeng ipaste dito ang print screen ng search na yun. haha. Well, marami ka ring malalaman tungkol sa crush mo through this. For one, malalaman mo kung may facebook ba siya, multiply, formspring, tweeter, and whatsoever. haha. And, one thing leads to another. before you know it, malalaman mo na kung naniniwala ba siya sa destiny o hindi. Kung kumakain ba siya ng bagoong o hindi. Promise. Malalaman mo. haha. Google is very powerful. haha

4. Google your crush's friend's name. Remember what I said about one thing leads to another? Well, I got this idea after coming across a blog where my crush's name was mentioned. In fairness, very interesting ang friend niya na ito. haha. from what he wrote (i was able to read half of his blog) i can deduce that he's fun to be with, very dedicated to his studies and a hopeless romantic. haha. This blog entry was actually inspired by him. so credits to him. haha. I hope to meet him one day =D

5.Write a blog entry about the things you can do when you're bored. haha. This is last but not the least. Well, you got through your boring day so why not share it with others?

Fun right? Before I know it, time is up and I still am not finished writing this! Who said I was bored? haha

TATA

Totorothoughts

June 7, 2011

My wish for the two of you has finally come true. And please believe me when I say I'm genuinely happy for the two of you. I have loved you both with all my heart albeit in different ways and nothing makes me happier than two of my friends falling in love.

Friends are the best anti-depressants as well as destressors

Songs played in the office everyday:
"I'm no beauty queen. I'm just beautiful me"
"That should be me holding your hand. That should be me making you laugh"
"Don't be a drag just be a queen"

Quote galing kay RM:
Ang pagkabigo sa pag-ibig ay parang pagkalaglag sa hagdan. Sa umpisa masakit, pero maya-maya tatawanan mo na lang.

tomorrow is another day

ang daming nakaklungkot na pangyayari nitong mga nakaraang linggo. pero hindi ko naman pwedeng itigil ang buhay ko dahil lang nalulungkot ako. naisip ko mas malulungkot ako kung iisipin ko ang mga bagay na nagpapalungkot sakin.kaya naman ngayon, manganagako ako sa sarili ko. hanggang ngayong gabi na lang ako magiging malungkot at maawa sa sarili ko. hanggang ngayong gabi na lang ang mga luhang ito.bukas.....

• aayusin ko na ang pamana ko kay mau
• i will list down ways to improve myself in all aspects
• babasahin ko ulit yung he's just not that into you
• i will smile more
• i will write more about my feelings. mas madaling mag let go pag naisulat mo na.
• hahanapin ko na ang "the one"
• aayusin ko na ang planner ko
• magiging ok na ako
• hindi ko na yun gagawin ulit at pag hindi ko ginawa i will reward myself with ice cream

kaya mo yan myka! pwede ba namang hindi? AJA! AJA!

realizations about death

death is such a sorrowful thing.

death seems to be something foreign, something trivial until it happens to you or to the people you love.

someone died because you lived and you lived because someone died. it is what we call balance.

we are not rich in anyway. we do not have the latest gadgets. we cannot boast of properties or antique furnitures. but we have the love that others will sell all their wealth for.

"at ang tanging pabaon ko ay pag-ibig"

people have different ways of coping with loss. as for me, i prefer to keep silent. sometimes, you have to hold your tears back to be able to wipe someone else's.

death is something natural.when we were born, we are expected to die some time in the future. what makes it painful are the what if's and what could have been's.

someday, we will be together in paradise.

simple dreams

someday, someone's fingers will fill the gaps between mine.... forever

Listening to Adele

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forgive me first love, but I'm tired.
I need to get away to feel again.
Try to understand why, don't get so close to change my mind.
Please wipe that look out of your eyes, it's bribing me to doubt myself;
simply, it's tiring.

This love has dried up and stayed behind,
and if I stay I'll be alive,
then choke on words I'd always hide.
Excuse me first love, but we're through.
I need to taste the kiss from someone knew.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not rooted with you, it don't mean that much to me
You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with tryin' to play me
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me I beg I'll remembered you said
sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't rescue you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You'll never know if you never try
To just forget your past
and simply be mine

huli ka!

alas dos ng umaga buhay na buhay pa
kay daming gagawin pag gising na sila
walang kausap, walang kasama
lumilipad ang isip patungong EDSA

biglang nahuli ko na lang ang sarili ko
humihiling, sumasamo
sana andito ka sa tabi ko
sana nakikita ko ang puyat na ngiti mo

ito yung mga panahong hinhiniling kong sana nandito ka
sana hindi naging komplikado ang mundong ginagalawan nating dalawa
sana kayang ayusin ng mundo ang mga problema niya
para may oras tayo sa isa't-isa

sana ngayon ikaw ang kapeng pampagising ko
sana tumatawa ako ng mag-isa sa mga hirit mo
sana madali kong natatapos ang gawain ko
kasi sa totoo lang, inspirado ako

ito yung mga panahong sana kasama kita
sana malapit ka kahit malayo naman talaga
sana wala tayong  mga problema
basta ikaw lang si .... at ako lang si Myka

inaamin kong di ko na dapat naiisip ito
kasi pinalaya ko na ang sarili ko sayo
pero maitatanggi ko ba ang totoo
na sa oras na ito, ikaw lang ang kailangan ko?

losing grip

i'm losing grip again. ang dami kong kailangan gawin pero wala akong ginagawa.

"you will still be here tomorrow but you're dreams may not"

ok. i'm saying that to convince myself. and i'll say it over and over again since i'm pretty much hard-headed.
i must stop thinking about you. MUST. i've done too much thinking this past few days and less of the acting. i must go back to my old busy self. so i'm going to let this all out tonight.

i saw you today. but i dare not get near you in case a friend has had too much ice cream and decided to spill my secret. i feel sad knowing that i will be leaving this place in a few months time and the already limited time i have with you will be drained to its limit. i will miss you. i will miss you as a friend. you've been one of the best i've ever had and i blame myself for complicating that friendship. but there is nothing i can do at this point. so please just promise me you will take care of yourself. Promise me you will conquer all this. Promise me you will not surrender. Please. and when the time comes that God gives us a second chance, i hope we can be at our best selves. not regretting the past because it definitely made us stronger. not regretting the past because it is definitely one of the memories i will treasure forever. not regretting the past without it there will be no present and precisely no future.

let me be inspired by you.

ok.lez go na.

birthday fast approaching.....

in less than a week i'd be turning 21. according to the laws of society, by then i could get married without my parents' consent. i am actually excited (not with the opportunity to get married without consent). For me, spending birthdays means being thankful of another year given by God and saying "happy birthday to you " is like saying "i'm glad God gave you one more year to be with me."

i think i won't be asking for anything this year because God always knew how to make my birthday very special. i won't be asking for you. i already gave you up to God. what he wants to do with you, with us is all up to Him. and that goes for you too. they say it takes 21 days to make a habit and counting the number of days i've not seen you would mean i have already acquired the habit of not needing to see you. and i think that's a good thing.

evaluating the year that was for me, i can say that i am proud of myself. i've had so much love and less hate. i've been very open about my feelings. i have less "what -if's", ""i-should-have's" and "why-didn't-i's". more "i-love-you's", i'm-sorry's" and 'thank-you's".

i am happy being 20 and i bet being 21 is a whole lot of fun.

maybe...

"i love him. i still love him"

you say it as though you want to convince yourself. i wasn't there to witness your love story perhaps i just read about it somewhere or you just narrated them to me so i may judge wrongly. i may not even have the right to judge in the first place. you may not even read this or even if you do you may not know i'm writing about you. but trust me i'm writing this because i am your friend and because i love you.

maybe you didn't love him that much. forgive this brutal honesty but the sooner you accept it, the sooner you set yourself and him free. when you love a person, you don't need to convince yourself that you do. And you won't stammer when you say "i love you too."  why waste your time on someone you're not sure if you truly love? or to put it bluntly, why waste your time on someone you don't love?

 i think love is something we have to be sure about because we deal with hearts here. something more fragile than sugar glass. something more breakable than a promise.  so be careful. handle yourself with care. and that comes with a please.

All i want for Christmas is....

ok eto na. since masaya, gagawa ako ng christmas wish list ko:

1. reunion with highschool friends :)
2. lovelife (charing!)
3. Book on the fail safe ways to avoid or remedy a literally bad hair day
4. funky laptop sleeve
5. 40 new members of StatSoc next sem hahaha
6. unlimited call and text for a month
7. flash drive or external HDD
8. love letters from the people i love the most
9. taong pwedeng maging planner ng buhay ko
10. new phone hihihi
11. all day bonding with my sexy friends
12. a nice notebook that i can convert into my thoughts book :)
13. ballpen na hindi nawawala
14. new body clock haha yung hindi sira
15. watch
16. a song made for me :")
17. friends ko as screenmates. haha
18. matuto maggitara ulit
19. latin words beneath my name on my diploma
20. book on the fail safe ways on how to be a kinder, more cheerful and loving person. haha. i know i need it haha
21. pictures of me and my friends in awesome pretty picture frames
22. more blog visitors! yihee
23. a new and better boarding house
24. a world more honest
25. stressball hahaha

5 months to go...

5 months to go, graduation ko na.
ang dami ng nagtatanong kung saan ko nga ba balak magtrabaho. sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam. ayoko pang isipin. gusto ko munang sulitin ang huling mga buwan ng pagiging estudyante, ng pagiging personnel chair :) i have all the time to think about the future but i have only now to think about the present. time flies so fast so i plan to fly with it. ayokong may pagsisihan kaya, pagbubutihin ko. :)

5 months to go, graduation ko na
5 months to go, hindi ko na kailangan magsuot ng student id
5 months to go, wala na akong student discount
5 months to go, lalaya na ako sa isang pangakong binitiwan ko nung grade 1 pa lang ako

how does it feel to be free? how does it feel to hold back nothing? how does it feel to let my feelings flow?
we'll know in 5 months :)