migraine

i promised myself to stop figuring you out. but here i am. everytime i sit down with myself, i think about you. not about my endless list of things to do, not about my overstretched budget, not about world peace or child abuse. No. i think about you. i once said that figuring you out is the worst way to waste my time. too bad i got used to not listening to myself. so here i am. sitting in a flattened carton box at 12:52 AM thinking about you, thinking about who i am to you, thinking about where i stand in your life. is it a sin for a woman to want security and assurance? No. of course not. but refusing to accept the truth that's been slapped to your face is. i can't stop wanting you. i can't stop imagining you and me and us. i can't stop imagining the fun we could have if we're together. i can't stop rehearsing words i want to tell you when time and opportunity permits. i've been here before. and i've been hurt. why do i not learn from my mistakes? maybe because, until now, i don't want to accept that it was just a mistake. how can a mistake feel that good?

but please don't get me wrong. i am not madly in love. i am just.....madly into love. maybe it's because of the season.or maybe it is you or is it just me? haha.