hello 2nd sem!

i cant sleep.

i'm afraid.

but i know fear is only in my head. should i get rid of my head? (that's a joke there.and it's not funny)

i have to adjust my body clock.

i have an 8:30 class. no to late night nothings (like this) anymore.

well, what am i thinking now?

i just read my whole blog again and it's weird reading it from latest to oldest.
but, i'm glad. i remember precisely how i felt while writing those and it makes me laugh.
yes, someday, there will come a point in your life when you will laugh about the things that once made you cry.

i am honestly satisfied with my life now. yes, single and happy and in love. with a very rich and colorful past to look back to, a very hopefully bright future ahead of me and a present full of surprises. yes, that is my life.

in terms of the heart matter, there are two people who colored (and are still coloring?) my life. the first one is the one i've always look up to. i wonder how he is now. part of my "success" in the academic field is because of him. For 2 years in a row, i motivated myself by thinking "he's doing great! you have to do so too.", "you don't want to face him a failure!", "he was able to do it, so why can't i?" then afterwards, it all boiled down to my innate desire to excel (although life will teach you in a hard way that you can't always do that). i am happy for him. i would love to see him fall in love with a deserving girl. i would love to shake his hand thinking "congrats, first love" because, yes, he is my first love. and it is true that first love never dies.

the other one is the person God pointed to when i asked Him for someone to love and someone who will love me. although, now i know, he doesn't feel the same way. it's actually ok and i'm taking it well. i'm thankful for having known him and having spent time with him. he is what you can call an inspiration. he inspires me to do best in what i do. he inspires me do things without regrets. he taught me to stand on my own and not to count on others to make me happy. with him, i can totally say that i have no regrets. i loved him in my own way without holding back anything. that is why, even though he doesn't feel the same way, i am happy.

in addition to that, i am happy because i now have a better connection with the people who maintains my sanity, my friends. i'm glad to be able to talk to them again about lots of things. i really miss them. people come and go but friends, true friends, they always stay. we seem to be so different now. i was afraid of it at first but i realized even though a lot of things have changed between us my love for them remains the same. i may not have made any interesting invention or made a significant contribution to the field of Statistics or made the whole country know my name but i made true friends. i could die happily with that.

this semester will perhaps be my last semester as an undergrad student of UP School of Statistics. i am excited and afraid at the same time. i am excited because i know there are lots of challenges waiting to be conquered and opportunities waiting to be seized. with that, i am afraid of not being able to conquer or to seize them all. this is my last chance to feel the University of the Philippines as a student. i won't let that chance slip by. so let's get it on!

it feels great.

i feel good.

i feel energized.

i feel you.

hello 2nd sem!