Huwag kang tumingin ng ganyan sa amin
Dahil hindi ko alam kung mga titig na ya'y para sa akin
O sa kanyang mas may gandang angkin
Baka mali aking akalain
Huwag kang ngumiti ng ganyan
Tabi kami ng upuan
Baka isipin kong para sa akin yan
Hala, baka ika'y ngitian
Pakiusap huwag mong hayaang isipin ko na ako nga
Tapos siya pala
Tapos mahal ka rin nya
Ayoko namang maging kontrabida
Tapos magiging kayo
Sasabihin kong masaya ako para sa inyo
Kahit parang sasabog na ako
Kahit ang sakit-sakit na dito
Masakit, mahirap kasi wala akong masabihan
Pinili mo kasi'y aking kaibigan
Iiyak na lang mag-isa
Gagamutin ang sarili ng di nyo nakikita
Kasi walang kasing sakit ang umasa
Pag hindi naman pala pinapaasa
Sanay na ako sa buhay ng walang nanliligaw
Kaya wag mong ipahiwatig na baka ikaw
Tapos hindi pala.
Kaya tapos na.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Starstruck
Crush kita kaya lang hindi na kasi ngayon lang tayo ulit nagkita. Pero maingat na maingat pa rin akong tumitingin sa'yo kasi baka mahuli mo at ng prof natin ngayon.
Pero, nahuli mo ako.Nagkatinginan tayo. Pakiramdam ko namula ang buong mukha ko kaya tumalikod ako. ang init ng mga tenga ko. Hindi ko mapigilang tumawa at ngumiti. Parang hindi ako makahinga.
DEEP BREATH. Inhale. 1, 2, 3. Exhale.
Hanggang ngayon nakangiti pa rin ako. Hindi ko na nga maalala kung ngumiti ka rin ba, sumimangot o tumalikod. Hindi ako conscious sa paligid ko nung mga oras na yun. Wala akong maalala kundi yung kakaibang feeling na yun. Hindi ko alam kung sano bang ginawa mo para magkaganoon ako. Pag-alis mo, na-realize ko na lang....
na, for the first time..na-starstruck ako...=)
Pero, nahuli mo ako.Nagkatinginan tayo. Pakiramdam ko namula ang buong mukha ko kaya tumalikod ako. ang init ng mga tenga ko. Hindi ko mapigilang tumawa at ngumiti. Parang hindi ako makahinga.
DEEP BREATH. Inhale. 1, 2, 3. Exhale.
Hanggang ngayon nakangiti pa rin ako. Hindi ko na nga maalala kung ngumiti ka rin ba, sumimangot o tumalikod. Hindi ako conscious sa paligid ko nung mga oras na yun. Wala akong maalala kundi yung kakaibang feeling na yun. Hindi ko alam kung sano bang ginawa mo para magkaganoon ako. Pag-alis mo, na-realize ko na lang....
na, for the first time..na-starstruck ako...=)
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Confessions...ko
Well, I’m wondering why I’m still up. I should be sleeping by now. My eye bags are getting darker and bigger. But maybe the sleep fairy forgot to visit me.
Something inside me hurts right now. I feel so heavy inside. And I caught myself rehearsing what I could have said that day. Alam kong hindi ko na maibabalik yung araw na yun or even those that I have let pass me by. But here I am imagining what could have happened if I said “ Kailangan mo ba ng kausap o gusto mong mag-isa?” Silly me. My tears are preparing to fall again but I hold them back. I hold them back like I usually do. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagdadrama ngayong gabi. Maybe because every song that radio station plays reminds me of you. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko maamin sa sarili kong minahal kita kaya siguro hindi ko rin malaman kung hanggang ngayon mahal pa rin kita. It’s just that when you’re out of my sight I regret the things I didn’t do to get closer to you but whenever you’re near my mind says “eeew.” Ang yabang-yabang ko pero heto naman ako hindi makatulog. I don’t know if you are the reason why there’s no one new in my life or the other way around na dahil walang bago sa buhay ko, I stick with you. I don’t know if I love you or I love the thought of loving you. I want to say that I’m really sorry but I don’t want to elaborate why I am sorry. Nagdadrama ako ngayon but I’m sure I will do everything para hindi niya mabasa ito. Am I really in love or is my brain just searching for things to occupy my mind habang sembreak? I can’t find anything to justify that I love him but also, I can’t find things to disprove it. Hindi ko lang siguro talaga matanggap sa sarili ko kung ano yung mga nararamdaman ko. But why? I’m so stupid. Maybe I’m still so immature.
Nakakalimutan ko ang mga bagay na ito when I’m at school but when I’m all alone, these things fill me. Regrets flow in again. I don’t even know where those regrets came from. I don’t know if they are caused by something real or they are just products of nerve actions in my brain. I don’t know if my heart really hurts or my cholesterol level just got higher. I don’t know. Wish I could open up my chest and just read what’s inside or I hope my body can explain to me what’s happening to her parts. I don’t know why I’m like this.
I don’t know. I really don’t. I guess my feelings aren’t as easy to read as a book na kahit ako hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili ko. It’s like I’m staring at a blank paper. I can’t see anything but I know it’s full of things I have to realize. It’s like a population with very heterogeneous characteristics that you cannot draw a valid sample to represent it. You have study every element but that’s crazy. I’m crazy. I hope it’s just another data set so I can compute for the correlation but again it’s crazy. I’m crazy.
Please don’t think too much about this. REMEMBER: I’m crazy. Mukha na akong tanga kaya matutulog na ako.
Something inside me hurts right now. I feel so heavy inside. And I caught myself rehearsing what I could have said that day. Alam kong hindi ko na maibabalik yung araw na yun or even those that I have let pass me by. But here I am imagining what could have happened if I said “ Kailangan mo ba ng kausap o gusto mong mag-isa?” Silly me. My tears are preparing to fall again but I hold them back. I hold them back like I usually do. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagdadrama ngayong gabi. Maybe because every song that radio station plays reminds me of you. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko maamin sa sarili kong minahal kita kaya siguro hindi ko rin malaman kung hanggang ngayon mahal pa rin kita. It’s just that when you’re out of my sight I regret the things I didn’t do to get closer to you but whenever you’re near my mind says “eeew.” Ang yabang-yabang ko pero heto naman ako hindi makatulog. I don’t know if you are the reason why there’s no one new in my life or the other way around na dahil walang bago sa buhay ko, I stick with you. I don’t know if I love you or I love the thought of loving you. I want to say that I’m really sorry but I don’t want to elaborate why I am sorry. Nagdadrama ako ngayon but I’m sure I will do everything para hindi niya mabasa ito. Am I really in love or is my brain just searching for things to occupy my mind habang sembreak? I can’t find anything to justify that I love him but also, I can’t find things to disprove it. Hindi ko lang siguro talaga matanggap sa sarili ko kung ano yung mga nararamdaman ko. But why? I’m so stupid. Maybe I’m still so immature.
Nakakalimutan ko ang mga bagay na ito when I’m at school but when I’m all alone, these things fill me. Regrets flow in again. I don’t even know where those regrets came from. I don’t know if they are caused by something real or they are just products of nerve actions in my brain. I don’t know if my heart really hurts or my cholesterol level just got higher. I don’t know. Wish I could open up my chest and just read what’s inside or I hope my body can explain to me what’s happening to her parts. I don’t know why I’m like this.
I don’t know. I really don’t. I guess my feelings aren’t as easy to read as a book na kahit ako hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili ko. It’s like I’m staring at a blank paper. I can’t see anything but I know it’s full of things I have to realize. It’s like a population with very heterogeneous characteristics that you cannot draw a valid sample to represent it. You have study every element but that’s crazy. I’m crazy. I hope it’s just another data set so I can compute for the correlation but again it’s crazy. I’m crazy.
Please don’t think too much about this. REMEMBER: I’m crazy. Mukha na akong tanga kaya matutulog na ako.
Why Study??
I’ve heard a lot of people, especially students, ask: why do I have to study calculus? Why do I have to prove that this identity is equal to this? When I go shopping, the clerk will not express my bill in terms of limits. And when I ride on an airplane it’s not necessary for me to compute the angle of depression or elevation nor do I need to compute the velocity of the plane. Eventually, we will forget about these things. So why study them when they will not help us in the future?
Justifiably, we can reason that these are not applicable to actual life. But believe me, it is.
Look at it this way, a baby will not need a diaper when he grows up but at the moment it is essential for him to have one. This is parallel to the necessity of studying calculus, genetics and the other “difficult subjects.” We may not be able to use these in the future but it is still necessary that we study them because they are prerequisites of the bachelor’s degree we want to earn. And a bachelor’s degree is important to find a job. And to find a job is important to sustain our life necessities and ad infinitum. Therefore, studying them is crucial to us.
I also hear people cursing the scientists for discovering, let’s say, the elements because if it wouldn’t be for them, we wouldn’t be memorizing voluminous atomic numbers, atomic weights and electronic configurations. Well, instead of cursing them, we should thank them and consider ourselves lucky because these scientists spent all their lives trying to know these properties, unlike us. We do not have to spend our whole lives just to know that hydrogen is the lightest element or to figure out that energy is equal to mass times the square of the speed of light. Before they have to travel around the world just to study different histories and culture unlike us because we can see the world with just one click. We can learn about China’s history through a book neatly compiled for us.
We must understand that the people we are cursing researched for the benefit of the human race, to make our life more comfortable and convenient. All they did benefits us now.
So, do you want the teenagers in of the 21st century to read in history books that the students in the year 2007 did nothing but curse the great scientists? I’m sure you don’t so grab your book, start studying seriously. In reality, the speed of your learning and understanding process is not dependent of the subject, it is dependent on how you try to understand and how eager you are to understand.
Justifiably, we can reason that these are not applicable to actual life. But believe me, it is.
Look at it this way, a baby will not need a diaper when he grows up but at the moment it is essential for him to have one. This is parallel to the necessity of studying calculus, genetics and the other “difficult subjects.” We may not be able to use these in the future but it is still necessary that we study them because they are prerequisites of the bachelor’s degree we want to earn. And a bachelor’s degree is important to find a job. And to find a job is important to sustain our life necessities and ad infinitum. Therefore, studying them is crucial to us.
I also hear people cursing the scientists for discovering, let’s say, the elements because if it wouldn’t be for them, we wouldn’t be memorizing voluminous atomic numbers, atomic weights and electronic configurations. Well, instead of cursing them, we should thank them and consider ourselves lucky because these scientists spent all their lives trying to know these properties, unlike us. We do not have to spend our whole lives just to know that hydrogen is the lightest element or to figure out that energy is equal to mass times the square of the speed of light. Before they have to travel around the world just to study different histories and culture unlike us because we can see the world with just one click. We can learn about China’s history through a book neatly compiled for us.
We must understand that the people we are cursing researched for the benefit of the human race, to make our life more comfortable and convenient. All they did benefits us now.
So, do you want the teenagers in of the 21st century to read in history books that the students in the year 2007 did nothing but curse the great scientists? I’m sure you don’t so grab your book, start studying seriously. In reality, the speed of your learning and understanding process is not dependent of the subject, it is dependent on how you try to understand and how eager you are to understand.
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