All i want for Christmas is....

ok eto na. since masaya, gagawa ako ng christmas wish list ko:

1. reunion with highschool friends :)
2. lovelife (charing!)
3. Book on the fail safe ways to avoid or remedy a literally bad hair day
4. funky laptop sleeve
5. 40 new members of StatSoc next sem hahaha
6. unlimited call and text for a month
7. flash drive or external HDD
8. love letters from the people i love the most
9. taong pwedeng maging planner ng buhay ko
10. new phone hihihi
11. all day bonding with my sexy friends
12. a nice notebook that i can convert into my thoughts book :)
13. ballpen na hindi nawawala
14. new body clock haha yung hindi sira
15. watch
16. a song made for me :")
17. friends ko as screenmates. haha
18. matuto maggitara ulit
19. latin words beneath my name on my diploma
20. book on the fail safe ways on how to be a kinder, more cheerful and loving person. haha. i know i need it haha
21. pictures of me and my friends in awesome pretty picture frames
22. more blog visitors! yihee
23. a new and better boarding house
24. a world more honest
25. stressball hahaha

migraine

i promised myself to stop figuring you out. but here i am. everytime i sit down with myself, i think about you. not about my endless list of things to do, not about my overstretched budget, not about world peace or child abuse. No. i think about you. i once said that figuring you out is the worst way to waste my time. too bad i got used to not listening to myself. so here i am. sitting in a flattened carton box at 12:52 AM thinking about you, thinking about who i am to you, thinking about where i stand in your life. is it a sin for a woman to want security and assurance? No. of course not. but refusing to accept the truth that's been slapped to your face is. i can't stop wanting you. i can't stop imagining you and me and us. i can't stop imagining the fun we could have if we're together. i can't stop rehearsing words i want to tell you when time and opportunity permits. i've been here before. and i've been hurt. why do i not learn from my mistakes? maybe because, until now, i don't want to accept that it was just a mistake. how can a mistake feel that good?

but please don't get me wrong. i am not madly in love. i am just.....madly into love. maybe it's because of the season.or maybe it is you or is it just me? haha.

sadface

everything i wished for not to happen, happened.
what is wrong.
i feel so sad.
everything's not going my way.
what do i do?

i road the tricycle going home with these depressing thoughts in mind.
then these 2 women sat with me.
they started conversing about a column called "Young blood" with an entry entitled "Beer with Jesus"
Then the lady nearest to me gave the gist of the column. She said that the column talked about how we always pursue our dreams, our wants, never really caring what Jesus' dreams are for us.

might be coincidence. but i suddenly paused.
are things not going my way because this is not what God wants for me?
what does He want then?
how am i supposed to know?

5 months to go...

5 months to go, graduation ko na.
ang dami ng nagtatanong kung saan ko nga ba balak magtrabaho. sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam. ayoko pang isipin. gusto ko munang sulitin ang huling mga buwan ng pagiging estudyante, ng pagiging personnel chair :) i have all the time to think about the future but i have only now to think about the present. time flies so fast so i plan to fly with it. ayokong may pagsisihan kaya, pagbubutihin ko. :)

5 months to go, graduation ko na
5 months to go, hindi ko na kailangan magsuot ng student id
5 months to go, wala na akong student discount
5 months to go, lalaya na ako sa isang pangakong binitiwan ko nung grade 1 pa lang ako

how does it feel to be free? how does it feel to hold back nothing? how does it feel to let my feelings flow?
we'll know in 5 months :)

Release Negativity

I know my time is up.

There is a huge difference between "There's a rainbow always after the rain" and "There's always rain before the rainbow".

Sana wag mo naman akong paasahing hindi mo na ako paasahin.

Ang masakit sa pangako, umaasa ka.

You can't always have what you want. Kung ayaw mo ng ganun e di dun ka sa Mars.

Andiyan pero parang wala naman.

Wag mo namang ipamuka saking mali ako dahil pinaglaban kita.

I need you.

Hobby mo bang wag ako replyan?

Is it all in my mind?

WANTED: taong pwedeng maging PLANNER ng buhay ko.

The worst thing about crying is when I start, I just can't stop.

Sana pwede kong sabihin sayong "ikaw,oo,ikaw ang magpapasaya sakin"

I miss home.

hingang malalim

alam mo yung naiinis peero nangingiti, ako yun eh! as in RAWR! RAWR! RAWR!

gusto kong sumigaw, sumigaw, sumigaw, SUMIGAW!

gusto kong magpagulong-gulong, gulong, gulong, GULONG!

hindi ko maintindihan kung anong nararamdaman ko basta ang alam ko lang hindi ako masaya. hindi na ako masaya.

nalulungkot ako....

nalulungkot ako kasi ang komplikado na ng lahat ngayon.

para akong may bola na dati ako lang ang naglalaro pero ngayon marami ng kasali. nung una masaya pero ngayon.....
nagugulat na lang ako, may biglang magpapasa sayo ng di man lang nagsasabi. hindi ko tuloy masalo ng maayos.
hindi ko alam kung kelan ko pa mahahawakan yun ulit. yung ako lang.

call it selfish but some things are better kept to myself only.

pero nangyari na ang mga nangyari
nasabi na ang lahat ng mga nasabi
wala na akong magagawa kundi sabihin sa sarili ko na "ngiti lang. maayos din yan. ngiti lang"

if it were supposed to feel good, they wouldn't call it crush- Jahan

dati hindi ko naiintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng quote na yan pero dati yun. ngayon, intinding-intindi ko na. sigh.

what i learned in school today

• each person is unique
• block what you can and randomize what you can't
• experimentation is an important part of the learning process
• experimentation is iterative
• bago mo isolve ang problema, kailangan naiintindihan mo muna siya
• i am not ready to risk whatever we have now
• Possible objectives of designing experiments
• ganun pa rin ba?
• what if?
• hanggang kailan?
• he's away from you for a while so that he could be with you forever

and if...

and if loving you is all that means to me and being happy is all i'd hope you'd be, then loving you must mean i really have to set you free

ang pinakanakakalungkot sa lahat ay yung nagiging sagabal ka sa mga pangarap ng taong mahal mo. yan ang kinakatakot ko ngayon. kaya naman, go lang. kaya mo yan! siguro cheerleader mo na lang muna ako. mahirap pero kakayanin ko kasi alam ko namang kaya mo. wag na wag kang mawawalan ng tiwala sa sarili mo kasi ang laki ng tiwala ko sayo. at habang kinakaya mo yan, gagawin ko naman ang lahat ng kaya ko para magtagumpay rin. success is sweet but it is sweeter when we taste it together. kaya natin to!

hello 2nd sem!

i cant sleep.

i'm afraid.

but i know fear is only in my head. should i get rid of my head? (that's a joke there.and it's not funny)

i have to adjust my body clock.

i have an 8:30 class. no to late night nothings (like this) anymore.

well, what am i thinking now?

i just read my whole blog again and it's weird reading it from latest to oldest.
but, i'm glad. i remember precisely how i felt while writing those and it makes me laugh.
yes, someday, there will come a point in your life when you will laugh about the things that once made you cry.

i am honestly satisfied with my life now. yes, single and happy and in love. with a very rich and colorful past to look back to, a very hopefully bright future ahead of me and a present full of surprises. yes, that is my life.

in terms of the heart matter, there are two people who colored (and are still coloring?) my life. the first one is the one i've always look up to. i wonder how he is now. part of my "success" in the academic field is because of him. For 2 years in a row, i motivated myself by thinking "he's doing great! you have to do so too.", "you don't want to face him a failure!", "he was able to do it, so why can't i?" then afterwards, it all boiled down to my innate desire to excel (although life will teach you in a hard way that you can't always do that). i am happy for him. i would love to see him fall in love with a deserving girl. i would love to shake his hand thinking "congrats, first love" because, yes, he is my first love. and it is true that first love never dies.

the other one is the person God pointed to when i asked Him for someone to love and someone who will love me. although, now i know, he doesn't feel the same way. it's actually ok and i'm taking it well. i'm thankful for having known him and having spent time with him. he is what you can call an inspiration. he inspires me to do best in what i do. he inspires me do things without regrets. he taught me to stand on my own and not to count on others to make me happy. with him, i can totally say that i have no regrets. i loved him in my own way without holding back anything. that is why, even though he doesn't feel the same way, i am happy.

in addition to that, i am happy because i now have a better connection with the people who maintains my sanity, my friends. i'm glad to be able to talk to them again about lots of things. i really miss them. people come and go but friends, true friends, they always stay. we seem to be so different now. i was afraid of it at first but i realized even though a lot of things have changed between us my love for them remains the same. i may not have made any interesting invention or made a significant contribution to the field of Statistics or made the whole country know my name but i made true friends. i could die happily with that.

this semester will perhaps be my last semester as an undergrad student of UP School of Statistics. i am excited and afraid at the same time. i am excited because i know there are lots of challenges waiting to be conquered and opportunities waiting to be seized. with that, i am afraid of not being able to conquer or to seize them all. this is my last chance to feel the University of the Philippines as a student. i won't let that chance slip by. so let's get it on!

it feels great.

i feel good.

i feel energized.

i feel you.

hello 2nd sem!

no regrets, just love

loving what you do +  loving the people you're working with +  loving the people you're working for = happiness

from now on, i will do everything so that i won't have any regrets. i've been afraid all my life. i think it's about time i give myself a chance. i'm going to smile at every opportunity and hold on tight to those that matter. i will love until it hurts and will hurt until another love. i will quit trying to figure people out. maybe the reason why you can't get them out of your head is that they are meant to stay there. i don't want to wallow in self-pity anymore. i want to bathe in self-love. i know changing is hard but it's harder if i won't even try. i know i've made and broken promises more that you can count with your two hands, but i want to make promises again. maybe, promising also needs practice. the good thing is i have all the time to practice!

**forgiveness is something that is given without any condition, without anything in return (that's why it's for-give).

Should i Stay, Gabrielle

ever experience hearing a certain song and realizing that all of the lyrics are precisely what's in your heart? That has happened to me lots of times. most recently it's should i stay by gabrielle. i think i don't need to elaborate any further. the lyrics say it all. hahaha.

"Should I Stay?"

Here I am, waiting for a sign, I never seem to know
If you want me in your life, where do I stand
I just don't know
I never feel I know you
'Cause you blow hot and you blow cold, it seems I've grown attached
Though we're not the perfect match
I just can't explain

Should I stay
Should I go
Could I ever really stand to let you go
Can you now find the right words to say
That maybe I'm getting in your way

I feel your warmth, got me wanting more, you've left the door half open
I'm in two minds to explore, but then again
Am I being honest, being truthful to myself, can I see my life without you
Could I be with someone else
It seems I've grown attached, though we're not the perfect match
I just can't explain

Should I stay
Should I go
Could I ever really stand to let you go
Can you now find the right words to say
That maybe I'm getting in your way

Should I stay
Should I go
Could I ever really stand to let you go
Can you now find the right words to say
That maybe I'm getting in your way

It seems I've grown attached
Though we're not the perfect match

Should I stay
Should I go
Could I ever really stand to let you go
Can you now find the right words to say
That maybe I'm getting in your way

ways to say i miss you without saying i miss you

• ang tagal na nating hindi nagkikita o nag-uusap
• kamusta na yung alaga niyo?
• magsend ng blank message
• iPM siya ng "hoy!" tapos pag tinanong kung bakit, sagutin mo ng "wala lang"
• i didn't see you today
• may nakasalubong ako kanina, akala ko talaga ikaw yun. muntik ko ng binatukan!

sorry...

maybe we're not healthy for each other anymore.
i was afraid this time would come. so afraid i denied the possibility all this time.
but denial doesn't change the truth.i won't change the fact. it won't lessen the pain either.all it does is prolong the agony. prolong the hurt.

we can never be ready to get hurt. we can only rehearse the scenarios. too bad, scenarios don't always correspond to reality.

even in my imagination, it hurts and it hurts like hell. how much more painful is it in reality?

but if i continue to be stuck here with my imaginations, i won't be able to move on. i won't be able to do anything to move on. and that sucks.

sooner or later, whether i like it or not, reality will have to sink in. and i just have to accept it and the pain that comes with it.

mga kadramahan ng isang babaeng nadulas sa daan

i fell and i was hurt because nobody was there to catch me. i can only scream and by the time he came, there was nothing else he could do. i was already broken. it's funny how people ask "are you ok?" even when they know you're not. maybe, it is to give you that chance to deny your suffering, to deny your agony. so that if you can make others believe, maybe you can make yourself believe too.

falling and getting hurt is natural because there is such a thing as gravity. but gravity is not that strong to keep you down. we all have the strength to stand up. but, not all of us have the courage to do so because standing up means being vulnerable to falling again.

but standing up and falling, and standing up and falling again is better than not standing up at all. don't be afraid of the things that make you happy. they may hurt you at least you were happily hurt than regretfully hurt.

there may be no one there to catch you now but believe in the reality that soon someone will. so don't be afraid to fall. how can someone catch you if you are not falling?

random thoughts

• ang dami ko pang dapat gawin kaya wala akong oras na umiyak at kaawaan ang sarili ko.
• walang dapat pagsisihan sa pagmamahal sa isang tao
• we are all worthy to be loved. God proved us that.
• sana pwedeng i CTRL-F CTRL-X at CTRL-V ang mga tao
• sana maging ok na yung "ikaw" at maging ok na rin yung "ako" para maging ok naman yung "tayo"
• ang saya pala ng yung dating inaasar mo sa kaibigan mo, inaasar na niya ngayon sayo
• i don't know how to fix your broken heart but believe in me when i promise you i won't break it any further
• you taught me everything from falling in love to letting go to falling in love again
• lahat ng lihim ay binunyag, nabunyag, binubunyag o mabubunyag
• maybe the reason why people are fond of wearing earphones in public places is that hearing people inside your ears make you feel less alone.

i think i'm back in that roller coaster ride again

it's back. the feeling i thought i would never feel again. the feeling i thought was long gone. i think i'm back to that roller coaster ride again. i am so excited to see you again, this time, not a simple classmate or friend but as the person to whom i nurture a secret love. now, i am starting to smile that smile only you can put in my face. i am very tired from my every day tasks but i am never tired of smiling because of you. thank you for making me happy by your mere presence. and even though you don't know it yet, you've been a very big help to me this semester :)

i'm back in that roller coaster ride again. though you're still not here with me, i am happy because i know someday somehow, you will be <3

i wanna be with you if only for tonight

i am tired from meeting the demands of my everyday life. i am tired from living up to expectations of those who matter. i am tired from trying everything and doing my best yet not being satisfied with the fruits of my labor. i am tired from working alone. i am tired of being alone. that is why tonight i wanna be with you. you need not hold me tight and tell me everything will be alright. you need not put your arms around me and tell me you still love me even though i can't do the program right. i just need to be next to you. i just need to be with you.

i want to be next to you where grades, impressions and deadlines amount to nothing. i wanna be with you because worries leave me when i am at your side. i wanna be with you because in your eyes i found the greatest escape. i wanna be with you because with you is where reality is better than any other dream.

i wanna be with you. With you nothing else matters because all that matters is you.

When you're angry

when you're angry,

• stop whatever you're doing. instead of accomplishing something, you'll end up accomplishing nothing
• don't suppress your anger. this is a band-aid solution. it might work at first but in the long run it will all explode leaving you more angry than ever.
• don't talk to the people who made you angry as much as possible. you might end up saying things you don't mean.
• listen to calming music (vitamin string quartet's music and classical music are very effective)
• talk to friends without telling them you're angry. friends have the tendency to make you happy even if you're not sad. they are natural and living anti-depressants
• exercise. a very healthy way of releasing your anger :)
• look at trees or beautiful sceneries. next to friends, these are natures anti-depressant
• PRAY! no one else can take away the anger in your heart other than the One who gave you your heart. surrender all your anger to Him and ask Him to replace it with His love. Great trade isn't it?

ideas for paper

where do i begin? i have been staring at the monitor for 30 mins typing nothing.

i don't know how to start this paper! writing academic papers (thesis worth ones) is the same as making a story. you need to research what has already been done to make sure you don't duplicate works. this is the hardest part and this is where i am now. ok. let's do the outline. it works sometimes

introduction

importance of confidence intervals

restrictions

skewed

attempts to solve (problem with the attempts)

bootstrap confidence intervals

establish precision (explain choice of percentile t)

large difference between bci's and standard ci's

what causes the difference?

departures from symmetry or normality can be summarized by moments such as skewness,mean, kurtosis, variance.

the paper investigates the different summary measures that can characterize the deviation of the standard ci from the accurate interval (represented by bci's)

HOPEFULLY output a correction mechanism to correct the ci's using measures computed from the sample.

ok.aja!

missing you

i was doing ok. had almost no sleep at all. but at these times that's normal. but then i saw you. sadness pained my heart almost at the same instant that i saw you smile. i remembered how much i miss you. i remembered the days and nights of looking at places where you might be. i remembered all the draft messages i composed but never sent. the fact that you're drifting away is pain and not even knowing why is torture. The sight of you once sent chills to my spine now it sends chills to my heart. What has become of us? the butterflies in my tummy flew away leaving only sadness and confusion. i remember those long talks we used to have. and everytime i do, i am left with questions. was it real? was it what i thought it is? why did it happen? why is it not happening now? and the most painful question: will it ever happen again?

i wanted to say i miss you but i know better.

eureka moments in between my lecture notes

• Most of the great things we want in life are intimidating. That's what makes life so darn exciting!
• once in every little girl's life she fell in love with a bad boy
• may mga taong sadyang paasa
• we women love mystery. But if he's making you wonder how he feels for you, then dump him girl! If a man truly loves you, he'll make certain he makes himself clear
• hindi sa torpe siya. hindi sa ayaw niyang masira ang friendship niyo. hindi sa hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon. you're not together because he doesn't want you to be. face it. he doesn't love you enough for that.
• love until it hurts. at this point, there will be no more pain just love (mother teresa)
• i'm looking forward to falling in love with you again
• bakit ka naman maiinlove sa taong mataas pa ang pride sa sarili niya?
• it is not about knowing when to stop. it is about ensuring that when you finally stopped, there will be no more what-if's, no-but's, no what-might have-been's, only moving on
• walang tatalo sa bangis ng unang pag-ibig
• if it doesn't feel right then it is wrong but the converse is not true
• never settle for anything less. you're too much special for that
• do you love me or do you not? you told me once but i forgot, so tell me now and tell me true. so i can say i love you too!
• "i'm free" is not always the complement of "i'm taken." sometimes it is "i'm reserved"
• i feel you love me but the consequence of type I error is a hundredfold greater than that of type II error

I will study because...

i will study because....

• i don't want to end up a beggar
• i want to learn more!
• conquering the academe is a challenge i just can't resist!
• i actually get paid to do it
• the taxes of the Filipino people pay for my education
• learning new things is as exciting as traveling to new places!
• people in the academe are smart and from that pool of smart people are smart guys (ok,this is not always true though)
• if you look very hard amidst those formulas and lengthy proofs are lessons in life :)
• i hate flunking
• there a more than a million children (essentially brighter than me) who can't go to school and the aren't-you-guilty plea works here
• being a student gives me access to the library, to all the books! yey!
• being a student entitles me with 20% discount on transport fare and meals
• i get to enjoy trips paid for by my mom :)
• i get to go to overnight out-of-town trips with permission and sometimes even persuasion from my mom!
• i want to make this world a better place :D
• i believe that coming into this world our minds are like blank pages of a notebook. We live through life writing about all the things we have learned. It would be very embarrassing to give back a blank notebook to God.
• though not all things are thought inside the classroom, most of them are.
• i don't want to disappoint my parents
• it seems such a natural thing to do! haha
• being in school is the fastest and most efficient way to meet and make new friends

there are actually a million reasons. i'll try to put them here (a million? WTF!) so if you're lazing around, not wanting to study perhaps you can read this list or you can make your own! :D it's a fun way to motivate yourself to study (well, it worked for me :)so it might as well work for you *wink)

SAPUL!

Natatawa na lang ako pag naririnig ko tong mga kantang to!

OO na! sapul na ko! BULL'S EYE NA BULL'S EYE!

Silent Sanctuary
Rebound lyrics

O kay bilis naman
Magsawa ng puso mo
Ganyan ka ba talaga
Bigla nalang naglalaho

Para bang walang nangyari
Di mo man lang sinabi

Sana’y hindi nalang pinilit pa
Wala ring patutungahan
Kahit sabihin ko pang
Mahal kita

Nalulungkot, nayayamot, nagmumukmok
Hindi ko pa yata kaya pang
Labanan ang damdamin ko

Nakakainis talaga
Nagmuhkha tuloy akong tanga
Pinaasa mo kasi
Puso ko ngayon tuloy lumuluha

Dahil iniwan mo kong mag-isa
Limang araw lang ay babay na

Sana’y hindi nalang pinilit pa
Wala ring patutungahan
Kahit sabihin ko pang
Mahal kita

Nalulungkot, nayayamot, nagmumukmok
Hindi ko pa yata kaya pang
Labanan ang damdamin ko

Rebound mo lang pala ako

Almost Lover lyrics
Songwriters: Sudol, Alison Loren;

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick

Well, I?d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you?d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images, no

Well, I?d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you?d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

on/off

greatest turn-ons

• marunong makinig
• very gentleman
• nice sense of humor
• has strong faith
• talented
• smart
• holistic
• good family relations

greatest turn-offs

• feeling gwapo hindi naman
• sadyang pagpapaselos
• sinungaling
• torpeng mayabang
• paasa

so pano ba yan, pareho kang meron ng lahat ng yan? amp.

Flavor of the Month

repost from tuwing naalala kong nagkagusto ako sa'yo natatawa lang ako:

""Being babaero doesn't make you GWAPO. It makes you GAGO."

wag kang masdayong sweet sa isang tao lalo na kung iba naman ang laman ng puso mo. wag mong samantalahin ang kahinaan ng isang tao kung alam mong ikaw ang kahinaan nya. at kapag wala ka namang balak mahalin wag mong landiin. ang babae hindi yan psp na kukunin mo..."

nakakatawa. naging flavor of the month lang ba ako?

ang sarap ko naman para akong ice cream.hahaha.

i don't care if you don't care because I care and that's what matters.

maybe i don't deserve you or maybe you don't deserve me.

i refuse to be hurt

ganyan ka nga talaga.

di ko masabing "so what?" pero di ko rin namang masabing "ay, turn off"

kebs lang.

rebound mo lang pala ako.pero bat ganun, hindi naman masakit?

siguro kasi this time around, ginawa ko lahat ng gusto kong gawin.

NO REGRETS.

so i'm happy :)

s

naghihingalo

i remember the boy but i don't remember the feeling anymore.

hindi na ko kinikilig.

crush nga lang ba ito na nawawala na?

eh diba sabi nung sign........

hay.bakit kaya nawawala?

para namang signal.

dati ang lakas lakas.

ngayon aakyat pa ata ako dapat ng bubong

pero sa totoo lang.ayoko mawala yun. sigh. what's wrong with me?

ano bang nangyari?

ano nga bang nangyari sa atin?

bakit tayo dumating sa puntong ito?

hindi ba't nangako tayo sa isa't-isa?

kaya basta sama-sama?

mula simula hanggang dulo?

we had the best visions and we know that together we can make them come true.

how can we make them come true now when there's no more 'together' no more 'we' just 'you and 'me'

we vowed not to be like them but here we are even worse than the one we avoided.

wala akong maisip kundi itanong : "anong nangyari?"

akala ko kasi ok na ang lahat satin at naniwala akong maayos natin to kasi tayo to.

pero asan na yung 'tayo'? nalulungkot ako. ano nga ba ang tama?

ano nga ba ang nakabubuti sa nakararami?

hindi ko maisip ang bukas ng wala ka.

magkasama kasi tayo dito.

sinimulan kasi natin to.

bakit ngayon ako na lang ang tatapos?

kaya ko ba na wala ka?

anong mangyayari?

paano?

hindi na ba maayos to?

wala na ba tayong pag-asa?

ano ba kasing nangyari?

ano bang nangyari?

Mga Facebook Status na hindi Maistatus

• I hate it when people assume that they know what i think or how i feel
• I know you know that I know and you know I know that you know.
• Learning from the past means not doing what you did wrong all over again.
• If you reached a dead end, there is no other way but to go back. But if going back hurts more, try breaking up the wall.
• Hindi ako manhid. Ayoko lang maging assuming.
• Everything in your life now is a consequence of your choices kaya wag kang umiyak. Ginusto mo yan.
• Most admiring trait of a man: when he knows how to listen

it ends tonight

inabot na naman ako ng umaga.
naghihintay.
oo.naghihintay.kasi naman nagiging masaya ako.
oo.masaya talaga ako.

kaya lang,napapansin ko, masyado ng malaki yung space na na-ooccupy mo sa utak ko.
nasisikipan na yung mga bagay na nauna dun.
mga bagay na sinumpa kong uunahin ko.

pero syempre hindi mo kasalanan yun.
kasalanan ko.maxado kitang iniisip.
and too much of anything no matter how much it feels good, is bad.

kaya naman sige.mangangako ako.
it ends tonight
it ends tonight

tama na siguro yung ilang linggo o ilang buwang masaya dahil sayo.
oras naman para maging masaya sa ibang bagay.
alam ko namang anjan ka lang.
diba?
pero yung mga ibang bagay,hindi sila pwedeng maghintay eh.
kaya uunahin ko muna yun.

nagegets mo naman diba?

it ends tonight
it ends tonight

ano ba yung it?
yung paghihintay at pag-asa.
hindi yung feelings :)

kumbaga ito ang huling gabi na maghihintay ako at pagbibigyan ang sarili ko.

nakakatawa kasi sinabi ko na rin yan dati.
at hindi ko napanindigan.
pero ngayon, paninindigan ko na ito.
tutulungan mo ko diba?

kumbaga.
ACADS
STATSOC
ACADS
STATSOC
ACADS
STATSOC

kailangan ko pagbutihin.
kasi pareho kong pinasok to.
kaya kailangan may isantabi.
may itago.
para pagdating ng panahon.
pag ok na ang lahat
saka kukunin.

ok lang yan myka.hindi naman mawawala eh.
kasi tinago na ni lord for you.
magtiwala ka lang.

pangako.

when darkness turns to light
it ends tonight
it ends tonight

:(

ang pakiramdam ko ngayon parang tumatalon ang puso ko mula ribcage hanggang tyan.

para siyang malalaglag anytime...

Mcdo

amoy chicken fillet na ko.

lasang coke float na ang laway ko.

highblood na ako sa kakakain ng french fries.

pero nasa mcdo ako ngayon.

kasi baka ngayong gabi, magkatotoo na yung eksenang ilang milyong beses ko ng pinaulit ulit sa utak ko.

tama.baka ito na yung gabing yun.

ngalay na ang leeg ko sa kakalingon sa pinto.

naghihinala na sakin yung mama sa labas kasi kanina pa ko tingin ng tingin.

pero hindi pa rin ako umaalis kasi hobby ko to.

hobby ko na ngayon ang maghintay sayo.

A Promise to Myself

I should have been studying for 2 exams the day after tomorrow but you keep on coming in and out of my mind.

I just have to write it all down.

"i bet she's beautiful that girl he talks about

And she's got everything that i have to live without..."

never thought i'd be singing that to myself for the second time.

The sign pointed to you but I guess your sign's pointing to somebody else.

the whole point of writing this is that i don't understand why despite tons of things i have to do (i don't even have time to eat 3 meals a day!!), thoughts of you still find time to bother me and to make me sad. You're way down the priority list but you can inch your way up at times. or is it just me putting you on top of that list?

"it sucks to see him out there falling in and out of love with girls that aren't me"

I don't know if i read the sign wrong or if it is really you.

And i think i won't know for the next few days or maybe months or maybe years.

So i don't want to burden myself with heartaches when the cure of which will come only in years time.

I don't want to be hurt like that again. Imagine 2 years of hurting.

I don't want to feel melancholic every time i think of you.

I want to remember that wonderful feeling: butterflies in my tummy, wide smiles from ear to ear and that exciting nervousness every time you come near.

That is why i'm promising to myself that i will just admire you from a distance (not coming near at all because I just might be swept away) and be good at what i do because i think it's my number 1 priority now. and maybe, once i achieved that, i can cross it out and delete it from the list so you will inch up. And when i have done everything i have to do, i won't let you go anymore.

I promise never to cram again if i can help it!!

bew! study!!

Sorry, you're way down the priority list

Panibagong yugto sa aking buhay.
kaya ko ba ito?
dapat bang itinatanong ko sa sarili ko ito?
hindi ba given na yun?
tumilaok na yung manok from somewhere
but i'm still up.
it's 3:06 am.
i can't sleep. hindi dahil iniisip kita,
kundi dahil may exam ako sa sabado.
humingi ako ng sign kay Lord at ikaw yung itinuro niya sa akin nung naghanap ako ng taong mamahalin ako at mamahalin ako.
but it seems pinapreview lang ni Lord.

You're nowhere near and we're nowhere near to being something more than an acquaintance?

did i read the sign wrong?

hmmmm...

but does it matter?

hindi ata.

maybe you're the one for me but hey, as of now, you're still way down the priority list.

Uy! dejavu!

Dahil sa isang panaginip, natulog ako buong araw.

I had a dream of you holding my hand.
So securing, so gentle, so warm...
I tried to. I tried so hard to.
But I can't imitate that feeling on my own.
But i can't hold your hand for real, can't i?
So I slept the whole day, hoping God would give me that chance again.
The chance to hold your hand.

Unfortunately, the dream came for one night only.
That's why I guess, good things never do last, only the sensation, the feeling, they leave on you.

I am not sad because it didn't last. In fact, I am happy, happy to be given that wonderful, rare and unexpected chance to hold you. Remembering it makes me smile and the idea of it coming true makes me blush inside.

That's the beauty of dreams. You can keep it all to yourself and when the dream comes true, you can just simply say, "Uy dejavu!"

Night of Failures

Nakakatawa. dito ako nagpopost kasi alam ko namang wala ng nag-oopen ng blogger ngayon.ahaha. Kailangan ko lang ilabas ito.

I was so disappointed earlier today. Wala kasi kaming class which means I won't be able to see you again. Another chance lost. Kaya naman ang saya-saya ko nung makita kita kanina. Kung pwede akong tumalon-talon, ginawa ko na. Kaya lang ang loser ko. I wasn't able to say what I wanted to. Kung papakinggan mo, parang importante yung sasabihin ko eh noh? Pero sa totoo sasabihin ko lang namang: "Hey nagpalit na ako ng number" Siguro natatakot din akong marinig mula sa'yo na "So?" pero hanggang ngayon binabatukan ko pa rin ang sarili ko dahil di ko sinabi.

"Hindi ka na ba natutuo sa nakaraan?"

Shame hurts less than regret. Motto ko na yan ngayon pero hindi ko mapanindigan! GGgrrrr.
But anyway, nangyari na ang lahat ng nangyari. Bahala ka na po Lord. Hindi ko talaga ito kayang mag-isa.

---------------------------------

Bara sa lalamunan

it is true that truth hurts but paranoia kills.

nakakalungkot pala ang pakiramdam ng kinakaawaan
pero mas nakakalungkot ang pakiramdam na maawa sa sarili.

i feel like something to be rid off.
Na sinasabi mo lang yan para maging maayos ang lahat, para may lugar din ako, hindi dahil naniniwala ka sakin...

Alam kong dapat ma-flatter ako.yun nga ang una kong naramdaman pero pagkatapos kong isipin ang mga bagay-bagay,nasaktan ako. At naiiyak ako ngayon.kasi napatunayan kong hindi lang pala ako ang naluloseran sa sarili ko, kayo rin pala...

oo,loser ako kasi nung andyan pa yung pagkakataon hindi ko pinakita sa'yo kung gaano ka kaimportante sa akin. Inisip ko pa nga noong iwan ka. Hindi ko nagawa ang lahat para sa'yo kasi sa isip ko, iiwan din naman kita pagdating ng panahon. Pero ngayong binibigyan na ako ng tadhana ng pagkakataon para iwan ka, hindi ko magawa. Kasi ngayon sigurado na akaongg mahal kita at kaya kong gawin ang lahat para sa'yo. Kaya lang, may nahanap ka ng iba. May nahanap ka ng kapalit ko, ang kaibigan ko. Siguro nga hindi pa kapalit kasi mas naibigay niya at nagawa niya yung mga bagay na hindi ko nagawa para sa'yo. Siyempre,masakit.kasi alam kong mahal mo siya at mahal ka rin niya. Ano pang laban ko di ba? Ano pang laban kong minsang bumalewala sa'yo? pinagsisihan ko yun pero tapos na di ba? di na maibabalik pa. Sa totoo lang, ayoko ng i try i-win back ka.kasi karapatdapat siya sa'yo.masakit pero dadalhin ko na lang din siguro ito sa akin.

kaya naman ganito ang nararamdaman ko, kung hindi nga ako naging karapatdapat para sa'yo e di lalo na sa mas higit sayo...

hay.nangyari na naman sa akin to.di na naman ako natuto.